Swansong



The day will come when people can be clean
Clean as the sun
When we have learned that dirty tricks don't pay
And crime is no fun
The day that honesty and kindliness and friendliness
Are how we want to be
Will be a day worth waiting for
Obviously

Until that day I'll have to shaft and graft
Like everybody does
I'll have to lie and cheat and rob and gobble
Obviously because
You cannot make a better world
'til everybody plays along
It's not utopia running in a gang of one
It's a swansong

These dirty ways I may embrace today
But it's just for today
When things improve I'm going to live for love
live another way
I'll walk in light, do everybody proud
Give everything away
Until that day I'll have to live for me
Obviously

The day will come when people can be strong
As strong as the sun
When we have learned our dirty tricks don't pay
And evil's no fun
That day of honesty and kindliness
And friendliness and decency
Will come the day after the day I live for me
Obviously

Greyland



The waves they are wavy
There's grey in my gravy
And love in the love of my heart
There's a grey land in Greyland
If only the Greyman
Could set all the rubbish apart

Don't call me a purist
That makes me furious
A purist would purely be pure
Whoever put the white in white
Really did it right
But grey is the glory of here

I love thisness not thatness
And hereness not thereness
It's local not global for me
I love what I know
And you can all go
To hell if you cannot agree

Greyexit's Greyexit
Though traitors deny it
It is the best exit we've found
Show me another I'll call you a liar
We have the best exit around

Don't call me a racist, I'll splash your face
I don't care if you're purple or blue
But purple-blue people should go back to their lands
There's no place for in Greyland for you

So go, I don't care to
Know exactly where to
There must be some camp far away
Of concentration, extermination
Let's keep Greyland for the grey

Don't call me a quietist, you make me riotous
A quietist would surely be quiet
Whoever put the loud in loud
Really did us proud
And loud is the glory of night

The waves they are wavy, there's grey in my gravy
And hate in the hate of my heart
There's a grey land in Greyland
If only the Greyman
Could set all the rubbish apart

Chatternooga



All aboard, woo woo!
Time to shop Steamboat Bill
A little bird said he forced his will
Upon his gentile passengers
But do not shoot the messengers
We would never side with creeps
Not even in our sleep
Unless you forced us with a gun
And even then we'd try and run
When Dionysus roamed the world
You couldn't say "fuck" but you could say "girl"
Now it's the other way around
"Girl"'s taboo but "fuck"'s allowed
And teacher said we cannot play
Until we're equal in every way
Woo woo!

We're not going to hold our breath
We're only equal when we're dead
And more fool you if you don't use
The personal pronouns we've approved
We spill red wax upon your dress
The world's aboard the hell express
What turned out when we turned up
Let's all ask the jitterbug
We all shook down, we all hung up
Thanks to Emperor Tomato Ketchup
Blubberboat Bill went down to hell
In a rowing boat
Jim shacked up with Betty Bell
The captain fucked Eskimo Nell
Come on baby let's get down
Before they lock this town

All aboard, woo woo!
The Chatternooga Choo-Choo

Under the Volcano



Oh no that's a blinder
At the watercooler
Scandal of an actor
Cancel another dancer
Oh no, what a low blow
Under the volcano

Vote for Mr Freaky?
Are you trying to tweak me?
Oh wow, it's the stars now
Cancel their guitars now

Wait boy it's the climate
Wait boy it's the violence
Wait boy it's the virus
Waiting to destroy us

Oh wow, it's the actors
Cancel another dancer
Keep it in your pants, boy
We police romance, boy

Gee whiz, hackeroo time
Some kid nailed for sexcrime
Oh wow what a freakshow
Under the volcano

Wait boy it's the climate
Wait boy it's the violence
Wait boy it's the virus
Waiting to destroy us

What, is this the sky now
Falling on our heads now?
Or just some dictator
Coming to take us over?
Welcome to the peepshow
Under the volcano

Wait boy it's the climate
Wait boy it's the violence
Wait boy there's a sideshow
Under the volcano

Zooming



It's Thursday and I'm zooming
With everyone I've ever known
Sitting at home together alone
In the modern way
When I realise I'm not wearing a single stitch of clothing
Would you believe it, Adam and Eve it?
I am naked as the day I was born
Naked as the day I was born

Friday in the studio with my model, Fat Anette
Sitting together, facing each other, the canvas nice and wet
When I realise she's not wearing a single stitch of clothing
Would you believe it, Adam and Eve it?
She is naked as the day she was born
Naked as the day she was born

Saturday, I'm having a smoke
With my old friend the snake, like you do
In the garden hanging out with a mate
When the snake says "You're not wearing
A single stitch of clothing
Would you believe it, Adam and Eve it?
You are naked as the day you were born!
Naked as the day you were born!"

Now it's Sunday and everything's gone
I have lost my job
Under duress, under arrest
I ended up in court accused of nakedness aforethought
The judge said: "That's not painting, that's body-shaming!"
Would you believe it, she was naked as the day she was born
Naked as the day she was born

Horrorworld



Slither down the pipe
Hobble through night
Twitching with the fear of the neophyte
Crushed beneath the heel of the acolyte

Holiday in hell in the horrorworld
All the horrorboys, all the horrorgirls
Dressed in black like goths in a holocaust
Mirrorblind and dead

Horrorworld, horrorworld

Once I planned to live in tomorrowworld
Now I understand there's a horrorworld
Lurking down the hall, up the corridor
Stretching on forever

Horrorworld, horrorworld

Once we dreamed a smooth and a simple life
What turned up? A ripped and a wrinkled life
Big dickheads are taking revenge on us
Dickhead dead

Horrorworld, horrorworld

One more conclave, corpses a-gibbering
One more conflab, goblins a-gabbling
One more dickhead hard with a grudge for us
Oligarchs are waiting

Horrorworld, horrorworld

Once I craved the softness of cottontown
Now it seems that that's a forgotten town
Once I planned to live in tomorrowland
Now I understand

Horrorworld, horrorworld

Now here comes the night to be thankful for
Frightening things are things to be grateful for
Rein in all the terror corrupting you
It will be a drug

Horrorworld, horrorworld

Slither down the pipe

Coco the Clown



Coco the clown is sitting me down
To explain the facts of life
God had no plan for why things began
But if things are nice, do the things twice
That's his advice

I never did have any time for therapy at all
My Wilhelm Reich orgasmatron abandoned in the hall
All that cock and ball
Rotting through the wall

Greying at the temples now, with clay around my feet
Stiff upper lip and all that shit the British like to tweet
I lack what I lack, but I am what I am, so cut me some slack
I'll cut you some back

It seems I made a fair old fist of bungling in the mist
But I did discover other people actually exist
I'm not a solipsist, they actually exist, all bungling in the mist

Coco the clown is sitting me down
To explain the facts of life
There is no God, apparently
But if things are nice, do the things twice
That's his advice
Such good advice

My Moriarty



Anything I'd say already crossed your mind
And anything you'd answer already crossed mine
There's nothing left to say, one of us must pay
And the other go away

My Moriarty, in January
You grievously inconvenienced me
You hampered my plans in April and May
Seriously threatening my liberty

My Moriarty I am so sorry
I have pressing business, I'm clean out of coffee
So if you don't mind, and I don't mind at all
See you at the Reichenbach Falls

Nemesis as theme is all Greek to me
Turn the other cheek reeks of Christianity
So let us agree to call it a day
Even if our calendars cannot agree

My Moriarty it's a bad habit
To fondle a firearm concealed in a pocket
Remember the affair of the French gold
The red-headed league never gets old

But my Moriarty I really am sorry
I have other business, I'm clean out of money
So if you don't mind and I don't mind at all
See you at the Reichenbach Falls

There's nothing left to say, one of us must pay
And the other must just go away
Anything I'd say already crossed your mind
And anything you'd answer crossed mine

Francoise



Un, deux, trois, quatre

Coccinelle demoiselle, bete a bon Dieu
Coccinelle demoiselle, vole jusqu'au cieux

Francoise it was great to be around you
You were adored by everyone who found you
Banging on your drums with your infectious grin
Brezel there beside you, smiling, being him

Francoise

Francoise it was an honour just to know you
You will be missed by the people who adore you
Fly now, ladybird, from the Berlin you improved
To the Holiday Inn in heaven
Where they've kept a special room

Francoise

The whole world is a cactus now
There's nowhere to sit down
The stereo's not total now
In this empty town
But look down precious ladybird
At the streets you left too soon
From the Holiday Inn in heaven
Where you have that special room

Francoise, Francoise

Coccinelle demoiselle, bete a bon Dieu
Coccinelle demoiselle, vole jusqu'au cieux
Un, deux, trois, quatre

Francoise, Francoise

Nono



Nono, when I only feel so-so
You can make my love grow grow
Just by being you

I know we can get it together
Being happy and clever
Wherever we may go

When you cry, when you laugh
I take a photograph
I even take them when you're in the bath
To make you laugh, it makes you laugh

Nono, when the planet is seasick
You can give it an uptick
Just by being you

This year we can get it together
Being happy and clever
Living just us two

When you cry, when you laugh
It's always so intense
There's no such thing as sitting on the fence
When you're around, you're around

Nono, when the planet's just so-so
We can wake up and go go
Anywhere we like

This year we're gonna get it together
Being happy and clever anywhere we like

When you cry, when you laugh I take a photograph
I even take them when you're in the bath
To make you laugh, it makes you laugh

Nono, no no no no no no no

The Drizzle of March



A stick, a stone
It's the end of the road
It's the rest of a stump
It's living alone
It's a sliver of glass
It's a life in the sun
And it's night, and it's death
It's a snare, it's a gun

It's an oak in a field
It's a fox in the brush
A knot in wood
And the song of the thrush
It's the wind in the trees
Falling over the bluff
A profound mystery
But simple enough

It's the wind blowing free
At the end of the slope
It's a beam, it's a void
It's a hunch, it's a hope
It's the end of fatigue
And the drizzle of March
It's the river of life
Flowing into your heart

The foot, the floor
It's the beat of the road
It's the flesh and the bone
A stone an urchin throws
A bird in the sky
A bird on the ground
A fountain, a stream
A morsel of bread

It's the end of the line
And the end of the road
With a sense of disgust
A little alone
It's a steppe, it's a nail
It's a bead, it's a tale
It's a book of accounts
In a thundering gale

It's a fish, it's a sign
It's the flight of a stone
A shimmer of silver
In the light of the dawn
It's the logs, it's the day
It's the line of cocaine
Rubbish out on the street
And the prick of the sting

The design of the house
And a body in bed
The old car broken down
It's the mud in your head
It's a step, it's a bridge
It's a frog in the night
It's a rest in the bush
And the morning light

It's the drizzle of March
Suggesting heat beyond rain
It's the promise of life
In your heart again

It's a cobra that strikes
It's Nick, Noemie
It's a thorn in the hand, and a cut on the knee
It's the drizzle of March bringing summer again
It's the promise of life
In a heart full of pain

A stick, a stone
It's the end of the road
It's the rest of a stump
It's a little alone
It's a step, it's a bridge
It's a frog in the night
A horizon of gold, and a feverish sweat
It's the drizzle of March ushering summer in
It's the promise of life
In a time of pain

Ba, Stick, earth
End, road
Hollow, free
Follow, peach
Est, ump
Ife, un
Steel, will, earth

It's the drizzle of March bringing summer back in
It's the promise of life in your heart again

The Tyro



Eyes that glow like cigarettes with ashtrays underneath
The Tyro bites his fingernails to show his ugly teeth
Braying like a donkey, laughing like a sneeze
The Tyro's heart's a dynamo that churns like a disease

All the laughing elementals exploding in their seats
Mechanical as puppets, brash as parakeets
The Tyro sits at zero while the child within him screams
A bush of hardy berries, a shudder through the trees
Mechanical as captains in cyclopean wars
Where foxes banish lions and prophets lie with whores
The Tyro is a mess, massive and immense
As civilisation's discontents

The laughing elementals exploding in their seats
Mechanical as puppets, brash as parakeets

Grinning while deliberately standing on your foot
The Tyro is a Brombroosh and an idiot to boot
Purposeless in masquerade, with England on his breath
Stuck between Cept and Megaloplinth

All the laughing elementals exploding in their seats
Mechanical as puppets, brash as parakeets
The Tyro sits at zero while the child within him screams
A bush of hardy berries, a shudder through the trees
Mechanical as captains in cyclopean wars
Where foxes banish lions and prophets lie with whores
The Tyro is a mess, massive and immense
As civilisation's discontents

All the laughing elementals exploding in their seats
Mechanical as puppets, brash as parakeets
The Tyro sits at zero while the child within him screams
A bush of hardy berries, a shudder through the trees

The Tyro sits at zero while the child within him screams
A bush of hardy berries, a shudder through the trees

The Existentialist



I was a teenage existentialist
"We're all going to die" was pretty much the gist
And everyone in Sartre's room was on the same page
A room of gloom, a page of desperation and rage
But where there is despair there's empathy as well
There are other people in hell

And death was the universal solvent
A colossal and calamitous involvement
We thought we had it all worked out but then
"Mankind" somehow dwindled down to "men"

And, wronged, heaven knows how you suffered
At the hands of a man you were so wrong
To make your lover

Your secular religion borrowed sin
But not forgiveness or redemption
For you, whoever once has crossed the line
Must wander endlessly through time
You like to keep forgiveness for the few
You and you, but not you

You draw the lines dividing this from that
Determine who can wear the bloody hat
You mount campaigns to scare
And also sensitise the others
Fair enough
All men are clearly not your brothers

And, wronged, heaven knows how you suffered
At the hands of a man you were so wrong
To make your lover

I was a teenage existentialist
A wishy-washy liberal humanist
I thought I had it all worked out but then
Mankind somehow dwindled down to men

Bus Inspector Bill



Naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill
Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight
Pointed up and said:
"Up on the moon there is a stop
Where all the passengers on top
Of buses can look in and see my husband
Lying dead upon the bed"

Well Bill said "Are you kidding me?" and Lil said "No, just come and see
Lie down with me but first take off your clothes to spare us any fuss"
And the moon rose strange and foreign
Charlie's ghost appeared and saw them
But Bill preserved decorum
Saying "It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say
"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, my dear"
She whispered "Darling never mind, I knew it all the time that's why
I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

And Charlie's nose was broken once
His grandfather had spoken once
With Romy Schneider's voice
As an extra in The Seven Year Itch
He was taking her bikini wax
As medicine for heart attacks
He'd actually collapse and really die
Every time Romy hit the beach

Lil sent Charlie's ghost down to the butchers shop
To steal a ghastly mutton chop
Because she had no money
And would die if she didn't eat
"I'm sorry, ghost," the butcher said
"But take a whole lamb's head instead
The eyes alone will see you, ghost
See you through the week"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say
"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, Lili dear"
She said "Charlie darling never mind, I knew it all the time
That's why I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

So naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill
Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight
Pointed up and said:
"Up on the moon there is a stop
Where all the passengers on top
Of lunar buses can look in and see my husband lying dead"

And the moon rose strange and livid
And Charlie's ghost was vivid
And Lil thought for a minute and said:
"Charlie, I was dying for a friend"

Doomscroll



Doomscroll
Why do we unwind the doomscroll?
Do we really want the world to end
Sad trolls why do we act as Satan's foot patrols?
Doomscroll instead of writing to a friend

Eye roll, there's this need to chase the ambulance
Doomfools rubbernecking til the end
Poor trolls, liveblogging the apocalypse
As though the world needed us to end

Last night I imagined I was Karl Kraus
So bright, writing squibs that bloodied minds
I woke to find I was just a doomtroll
Doomscroll through the last days of mankind

Doom me, if you do you cannot love me
Who loves with the eschaton in mind?
We're all complicit in the doomscroll
Eyeballs advertising needs to find

Death trolls
Why do we unwind the doomscroll?
Who knows when the world will really end
Dice rolls on the race to the apocalypse
Doomscroll instead of writing to a friend

Athenian



They're locking down the planet now as liberties unravel
I hope you're in your happy place because it's hard to travel
Me I'm being Athenian and loving every minute
A place like this, a time like this, it's easy to be in it
I guess the only question, now I can't leave anyhow
Is how to be a little more Athenian than thou

The feral cats are friendly and the coffee's good and cheap
And up the hill from me I see a market marks the street
A maze of orange parasols, a blaze of fruit and veg
A radical rembetiko twinkling at the edge
In the National Garden for their Instagram accounts
Teenagers throw poses as sexy as the plants
I took the tram to Edem and the shingle to the gulls
I felt the need to climb the sea or swim the hills
I don't know what to say unless I say today
Has been Athenian in every way

Athenian by name, Athenian by nature
You glide along the beaches from Piraeus to Glyfada
Go shopping in Kifissia like it's Beverly Hills
AWOL in Kolonaki, ogling the girls
The views from Likabetus and Philopappou hill
Although you climb a thousand times they still give you a thrill
I guess the only question, now you can't leave anyhow
Is how to be a little more Athenian than thou

Then ime touristas, eh malakka, ime Atheneias!
Index