'Rock Star Penis Party!' said the invite to the opening of Cynthia Plaster Caster's new exhibition (The Life Casts Of Cynthia Plaster Caster: 1968-2000 at the Threadwaxing Space, 476 Broadway, New York until July 28th). 'The famous and ample Jimi Hendrix cast will be in attendance as well as others ranging from Keith Moon to Jello Biafra to Momus.' And there I was, dead centre of a weird illuminated dome in which penises were arranged like Stonehenge as it might have looked if Stanley Kubrick had directed This Is Spinal Tap. I was dwarfed by neighbours Jimi Hendrix and Tony Newley. Oh, the humiliation. To one of the many film crews in attendance, I managed to laugh it off. 'I went through the casting with my tongue firmly in my cheek,' I lied (readers of my Amerikong Diary know that my tongue was actually somewhere else). 'I only wish my penis had been as firm in the cast.'


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