Self-Identity



You do you and I'll do me
But I'll probably do me better cos I did me first
And I know if you were me
You'd lack the digital skills and you'd do me worse

This is self-identity
You invent you and I'll invent me
We'll send our avatars into the world
And hope it treats them well
Boy or girl or...

I see you with my binoculars
A bunch of tossers is chasing you with sharpened sticks
The utter pricks
I'd come to your assistance but
I'm battling creeps on Twitter
Five or six entitled dicks

This is self-identity
You represent you, I represent me
We send our avatars into the world
And hope it treats them well
Boy or girl or...

I say what you can say about me
And I've decided to be
The very best me on earth
It's what I'm worth
Cos I'm the best me that I can be
And if anybody else did me they'd do me worse
And that would hurt

And through my binoculars
A bunch of tossers is chasing you with sharpened sticks
Callous pricks
I'd like to help but I'm stuck myself
Battling creeps on Twitter
Five or six entitled dicks
With sharpened sticks



Pocket Apocalypse



The battery life of a pocket apocalypse
A sea of bright yellow-bellied cockroach lies
Lines laid down, pretty puppy put a sock in it
Off to your bed with your drippy-droppy thighs

Don't swipe right on a shrinky skull bloodhead
Never let a puritan borrow your pen
If you go to bed with an itch in the stinky hole
You'll wake up with a there in the then

Fuckington McBear in a pocket apocalypse
Mr Julius Caesar's business plan
If you suspect me, suspect the best of me
Because deep down I am a blink man

Coco and Jim on a splishy-splashy holiday
Paddling with Tokyo Balkan Boy
Cogito ergo nothing in particular
If it's worth a fig it'll jiggle up joy

The battery life of a pocket apocalypse
A sea of bright yellow-bellied cockroach lies
Lines laid down, pretty puppy put a sock in it
Pretty soon people better open their eyes



Kirchner



My face two shades of green is a
Disgusting piece of scenery
Mitzi and the girls are birds of prey
Get me to the doctor
I've cut off my right hand again
In a painting displaying my dismay

Max says I'm neurotic
And he wants to break Die Brucke up
They ran two of my woodcuts in The Storm
Someone shot the Archduke
So it's back to bloody murder
Tanks and bloody biplanes raining bombs

Grunewald was a genius
When he gave Jesus gorilla arms
These masks from Oceania are a scam
And if I have to die again
I'll die in my kimono
From the orgasms that murdered Paul Gauguin

Erna's in the studio with bronzes from Benin
Naked by the summer lake we play the mandolin
If I dress up as a soldier
Will they send me to the war?
Is carrying the future what they want to kill us for?

So I'll drink and drink and drug myself
My hands and feet are paralysed
I cannot steer this ambulance at all
I'm driving it to Switzerland
To watch the peasants dancing
I'll shoot myself if there's another war

Monkey



Monkey, my pretty little monkey
A pity there's no money in the bank
Don't worry, there must be something we can try
Some way we'll get by

But the bills are heaping up
And I don't think we can cope
Now the nights are drawing in
And your face is drawn and thin
And everything is going to the dogs
Monkey, I still love you!

Donkey, I've been working like a donkey
Humping coal from the cellar to the stove
Don't worry, you know the saying "God provides"
Some days that lie is almost true

Wwwwrrr, slinky, I never wanted to be slinky
Underhand, where my hand should never be
But if I'm wonky my pretty little monkey
I'm only doing it for you, see
And doing it for me

But the war is heating up
I don't think we're going to win
Now the curfew's drawing in
And the donkey's getting thin
And everything is going to the dogs
Monkey, I still love you!

Monkey, my pretty little monkey
A pity there's no money in the bank
Don't worry, there must be something we can try
Some way we'll get by

DGAF



I don't give a fuck about pageantry
I don't give a fuck about royalty
I don't give a fuck about celebrities
Who don't give a fuck about me

I don't want to know about moral panics
More medicine to make us manic
Don't want to hear about the private lives
Of people I'll never be

Don't want to hear about Brexiteers
You won and lost at once, my dears!
So keep your little England
Let it sink into the sea

You know I don't give a fuck about tribal loyalties
Politics of rival fealties
Or so-called progressives who
Attack their next of kin

Remember when we kicked out Big Religion
Endless guilt, endless perdition
Did we do it just to now
Invent new forms of sin?

I'm not into NIMBYism
Global light through a local prism
Don't show me the same old faces
Time and time again

I don't give a fuck about television
Give me stuff with actual vision
Stop trying to divide and rule
It's not women versus men

I don't care about some new car
That'll jam up streets in a cleverer way
Give those things electric wings
And watch them sail away

Our problems are structural
We march together or not at all
I don't give a fuck about anything
But solidarity

It's Incredible



Nobody fits in Hercules' footsteps
Nobody stares in a unicorn's eyes
Big crack lines appearing in the culture
Just as they appear under my snout

Bursting on the heights, you're the golden one
Turning on the lights of a second sun
As attractions go you're a really fatal one
You are what I am, it's incredible

And you could charm a rock-solid so-and-so
Pluck him from the top, turning on the lights
Of a second sun, girl of centuries
What you do to me, it's incredible

And whatever's happened to the weather
Is also happening to my snout
Spotlight, candlelight on my body
Together we can work it out

Parabolic arc, final paradox
You see in the dark with your Hydra locks
You can turn back time and reverse the clocks
Pluck me from the top, it's incredible

Nobody fits in Hercules' footsteps
Nobody stares in a unicorn's eyes
Big crack lines appearing in the culture
Just as they appear under my snout

One and one is one, it's only logical
We can teach the sun, pedagogical
Stain the ottoman, we're a lucky man
We're indelible, it's incredible

So you can steer my ship, you can steer my soul
You can steal my love, you can feel my feel
It's incredible
Spotlight, candlelight on my body
Together we can work it out

Nobody fits in Hercules' footsteps
Nobody stares in a unicorn's eyes

The Art Creep Is Dead



The art creep is dead
His name was Fred
He hanged himself from a gallery wall
In a decolonising biennial
He was the lone bobo
The great white fail
Cos he failed to victimise or collectivise
So they sent him up to the big art jail

And I'd like to say
Of the many characters I play
The art creep never was really anything like me in any way
Anyway

The art creep is dead
His name was Fred
After one too many guilty biennials he simply said
"This world is sad
The good times I've had
Don't sit well
With the punitive agendas of curators who
Run this world"

And I'd like to say
Of the many characters I play
The art creep never was really anything like me in any way
Anyway

The art creep is dead
Mourned by none
Torn to shreds for all the insensitive things he's done
He stole that beat from the Shinto shrine
Did a stupid dance and passed it off as his own
And he stared at the festival maidens
With heteronormative lust in his heart

And I'd like to say
Of the many characters I play
The art creep never was really ever anything like me in any way
Anyway

The art creep is dead

And if he'd been a lesbian Indonesian
Who can say? He might still be
There to see today...

And I'd like to say
To clarify
He's just one of the horrible characters I play
Not me in any way
The art creep is dead



Lawyers



Lawyers at the end of the world
Playing tennis and acting like stars
Sinking mojitos in bars
In a sinking world

The day before the West fell
Only the lawyers were left
Their Teslas were hogging the best
Long Island real estate left
At the end of the world

And the children sued the parents
As soon as they came of age
And the parents sued their children
And so they set the stage

For the pupils to sue teachers
The teachers to counter-sue
Everyone trumps everyone
In a horrible grudge feud

But lawyers at the end of the world
Are happy as pigs in a ditch
But they wonder why no-one is rich
Except them

Lovers sued lovers
Withdrawing consent retrospectively
And governments sued the governed
For voting incoherently
Gossip dossiers at music mags
Brought down the artists they'd raised
The artists turned to the libel laws
To make those journals pay

And lawyers at the end of the world
Were happy as pigs in a pen
But they wondered where everyone went
Except them

My Wife Will Soon Forget Me



My wife will soon forget me
And go with someone else
My wife will soon forget me
And learn to love herself

My wife will soon forget me
Fprgetfulness is wealth
My wife will soon forget me
And then she'll forget herself

For love is a decision
That can also be undone
My wife will soon forget me
And so will everyone

I struggle to remember
My lovers in the past
The way they made their faces up
The way they scratched their arse

Forget each one, forget each one
Each one is unique
It's just that I've forgotten now
Exactly how they speak

In my self-protective blur
All lovers are the same
The pronoun he or she preferred
And her chosen name

For love is a decision
That can also be undone
My wife will soon forget me
And so will everyone

And thank God for forgetfulness
And thank God for the void
There's nowhere else to bury all
The things we must avoid

We focus on the futuure
We must forget the past
For finally the present is
The only thing that lasts

The human heart heals quickly
It doesn't pay to brood
The mind will turn to other things
To weather, work and food

At last we choose our sanity
Abandon what's intense
To live, to love another day
Is tiny yet immense

And thus do we recover, friends
And thus do we survive
By turning to the other
Less important things in life

My wife will soon forget me
And go with someone else
My wife will soon forget me
But she'll learn to love herself

For love is a decision
That can also be undone
My wife will soon forget me
And so will everyone

In My Heart



Oh dear, what if everything they say is true?
And oh dear, well then there won't be anything for me and you
And even if we have to start all over again
What would be the point in being a fool like them? No!

My head went black and nothing seemed to be the same
Had it before and I don't think that I can do it again

Well I made a decision and I revised it again
And I saw what it meant to both my parents and friends
Thought it would make me feel better
Well it obviously did
To work a little bit harder than I thought that I could
To keep making revisions til my work satisfied me
And it doesn't really matter if the job's big or small
But only if I feel it in my heart
Ay ay ay ay ay, heart, ay ay ay ay ay ay ay...

Bertie The Heterosexual



He knows no fear, the icicles dangling from his nose
So straight he's queer in a polar explorer pose
Borecore to the hilt
He knows no fear, black with white guilt

Into a lady's right to disagree
Must fall a little rain
He's on the side of whatever is

Popping balloons at Mr Malarkey's parade
Bertie the heterosexual can't keep his hands off the maid

And it's a rum go, don't you know
All so healthily hetero
The asymmetrical Englishman
Better the devil you know

Borecore to the hilt
He knows no fear, black with white guilt

He's not too proud to make a fuss about
The rights he took from us
Queer with straight guilt

Drinking champagne mixed with old rain
From the old baronial seat
Waving his pretty sword, your overlord

And it's a rum go, don't you know
All so healthily hetero
The asymmetrical Englishman
Better the devil you know

Queerness



You saw me on Kastanienallee
Something made you stare
"What the fuck?" you said aloud
As you passed me there

So which did you fly in on?
Easyjet or Ryanair
I thought to ask you later
In the spirit of the stair

British boys in a bundle
Emboldened by your numbers
This is not the spirit of Berlin
So which one flew you in
Ryanair or Easyjet
And which, more to the point
Will fly you out?

So is this the energy you bring
From your filthy England to Berlin?
Queerness is our scenery
And ungreedy greenery
Live and let live how we play the game
Some of us have come here to escape, precisely, you

What-the-fuckers, duffer-uppers
Threatening of different others
International renegades and slinkers at the zoo
Mr Norris, Auden and his friend Herr Issyvoo
Have earned the right to live apart from you

You saw me on Kastanienallee
Something made you stare
"What the fuck?" you said aloud
As you passed me there

So is this the energy you bring
From your filthy England to Berlin?
Queerness is our scenery
And ungreedy greenery
Live and let live how we play the game
Some of us have come here to escape, precisely, you

What-the-fuckers, duffer-uppers
Threatening of different others
International renegades and slinkers at the zoo
Mr Norris, Auden and his friend Herr Issyvoo
Have earned the right to live apart from you

Queerness is our scenery
And ungreedy grenery

Details



Look after your eyes
They're important, your eyes
Take care how you breathe when there's too much pollution
I always check up on the air before you go out
And if you walk amongst cars
I hope you don't walk with an air of abstraction
Although that was always a part of my attraction to you

Love is a question of details
I'm always trying to stay one step ahead of your needs
And if that makes me clumsy sometimes
Or nag you sometimes
It's just that these details can be overwhelming for me

So where are you now?
I'm glad I don't know
Because if I knew I would probably worry
I'd pace up and down and I'd never be able to sleep
But I hope you're okay
And I hope that you realise how deeply I love you
I give you the trust and the space to get on with your life

Love is a question of details
I stop myself trying to stay one step ahead of your needs
And if that makes me clumsy sometimes
Or nag you sometimes
It's just that these details can be overwhelming for me

Safetyism



Tell me how to do it
Tell me where to climb
Tell me where to aim my kick
Show me where to sign
Tell me where to punch my weight
Tell me how to shake my fate
Tell me how to shimmy like a queen

But trigger not the hairy
Trigger not the vain
See it, say it, sort it out
Chug-chug-chug on every train
The wakey-wakey station
In your computer voice
Cancer cakes and sandwiches
What a tasty choice!

Wave your wand and shrink me down
Till everything gets small
Now I have disgraced myself
Make me taste the wall
Hide your own corruption, mate
Yes, you know it's there
Lurking with the sense of shame
Tangled in your hair

I want life to be simple
Baby steps on slime
I want to take my baby steps
One slip at a time
So cover me in shrinkwrap
Send me back to school
You believe in safetyism
Woopy-doopy-doo
Hypnotise with lullabies
And lie with baby talk
You've hidden the invisible
Your fizzog is risible
We barely live at all

What if safetyism isn't safe at all?
What if safetyism isn't safe at all?

Issyvoo



Upstairs in the lodger's room
Stands Herr Issyvoo
Herr Issyvoo I value you
For the things you do
With your friend, the rich baboon
You met him down at the zoo
With Bertie the heterosexual
And the woman sailor, the anorexic
Who drinks as much schnapps as you do
My back is whale, my cock is too
So middle-class my gimlet eyes
Are Prussian blue, I'm standing in...

Herr Issyvoo, upstairs in your lodger's room
Let's make thunder with our noses and a red balloon

Herr Issyvoo I poo-poo you, you're a clumsy fool
With your friend, the heterosexual Bertie
In the lodger's room
And the woman sailor who makes a fool of both of you

Herr Issyvoo, upstairs in your lodger's room
Let's make thunder with our noses and a red balloon

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