MomusMcClymont: MomusMcClymont Two


The Shepherd

We gave him our trust, that bugger the shepherd
That leper the shepherd who fucked all our sheep
We gave him our trust, that bugger the shepherd
He worked in our name and got paid with our fee

And the butcher did love him, that bugger the shepherd
The butcher did call him the leader of the gang
And gave him protection wherever he travelled
Fleecing our sheep and roving our lands

He drove a Rolls Royce, that bugger the shepherd
He drove a Rolls Royce, and he smoked a cigar
He wore a gold necklace, that leper the shepherd
He buggered our lambs and we paid for the car

He fucked all our sheep in the back of the Rolls
Fucked all our sheep and he fucked all our lambs
He pushed his fat fist deep into their bowels
And then he came grinning and shook all our hands

We should have killed him and skinned him, that leper the shepherd
But the butcher did call him the leader of the gang
And give him protection wherever he travelled
And so he died old, a very rich man

They buried him upright, that leper the shepherd
In a bunker of concrete with a padlock of steel
They buried him upright , that bugger the shepherd
And the butcher is still in command of the hill

Jesus Was A Loser

The women are all mad for it the men are all the same
They only want the thing they all refuse to name
There's murder at the terminus, mayhem on the bus
And everywhere coitus is interrupting us

A baby in the hand is like rabies in the bush
And Jesus was a loser, a diamond in the rough

And all the Western idiots in all their Western cars
All the individualists propping up the bars
With all their silly problems and all their silly names
The barman grins and says to him they all sound just the same

A baby in the hand is like rabies in the bush
And Jesus was a loser, a diamond in the rough

And now I see you gag for it, you're on your knees, you beg
And now I see you stuffed like a herring or a pig
And Jesus was a loser a diamond in the rough
A baby in the hand is like rabies in the bath
And you are just a puppet on the strings of your desire
Completely incorrect about the things that you require
And all the Western idiots in all their Western cars
All had plenty money in 1924

And who can make an omelette without breaking eggs?
Who can make a human without cracking a few heads?
Your stupid self-indulgence is just feeding the machine
As long as you are selfish everything will stay the same

A baby in the hand is like rabies in the bush
And Jesus was a loser, a diamond in the rough
A shame you never listened to the things he came to say
If you had we'd never be in the mess we are today

Shoot The Planet

Some days I can't believe I'm even here at all
I don't ride high and I don't walk tall
I want to crawl into bed
Cover my head
With a big yellow pillow
To block the view
Shoot the planet if we're only on it to die

Well the people at the office say "How's it's going sir?"
But they don't really want to know my answer
I'm like a passenger jet
Crashed in Tibet
And the dead are getting eaten by the survivor
Shoot the planet if we're only on it to die

Well the doctor said I've got to try to slow things down
So I went for a month to a slower town
I really thought I was dead
Became a crackhead
And ended up throwing up at 4am
Shoot the planet if we're only on it to die

Well I went for a walk in the shopping mall
But I didn't see anyone alive at all
People spend spend spend
Like it's the Day of the Dead
Earth-eating zombies make my flesh crawl
Shoot the planet if we're only on it to buy

Some days I can't believe I'm even here at all
I don't ride high and I don't walk tall
It's like they stopped the planet just for me
And there's no more moon and no more sea
Shoot the planet we're only on it to die

Little Winners

Helicopter up the mountain
When you see a zebra never stop
Chop down each obstructing pear tree
Until you unfairly reach the top

Spoil your child with a little leg-up
Squeeze him to the top of the shitheap
With the headstart that his uncle has paid for
He'll be king of the manure within the week

Climb the mountain with your helicopter
Bullying the weakest on the way
Rule the West but do not kill the messenger
Reporting for the world today

Machiavelli had the method
Tried and tested's always best
There's no room for beginners when you're breeding little winners
Smug young thugs raised to rule the West

So helicopter up every mountain
When you see a pregnant woman stab
Nature is no socialist, she's red in tooth and claw
So remember to take what you can grab

No time for playing now or failure
Soon there won't be any time to sleep
It's the human race, and someone's got to run it
Little winners don't have time to weep

Buttfuckistan

You dream you see a nomad girl
Come riding backwards through the world
You take her in she's come so far
You trade her camel for a car
You are her Valentino from
The love scene in The Desert Song
A place you can project upon
The whole world's your Buttfuckistan

But now you wake and break your fast
And take your car and buy some gas
And drive to work and pay your tax
For embassies and diplomats
And governments who'll spend it all
On fireworks to shock and awe

The backward backside of beyond
Is sliding back beneath your bombs
Into another Iron Age
Change the channel turn the page

What can you do if bombers fly
Fly through someone else's sky
And rain down debt and rain down doubt
While people shout and run about?
People who don't live like you
Can only fail to interest you
And things you cannot care about
Are things that only happen to

The backward backside of beyond
Is sliding back beneath your bombs
Into another Iron Age
So change the channel turn the page

And so you sleep and so you dream
And figures move across your screen
Refugees on rolling news
Drones and thrones and radio

But let's get real and let's get clear
What's your motivation here
Tell me why you'd even care
About Buttfuckistan when it's
The Other

Yes

For too long now we've been ruled by
People who don't share or go by
Principles we want to live by
In the land of Scotland

We want semi-Scandinavian
Socialism in one nation
Free healthcare, free education
In the land of Scotland

East Kilbride to Tobermory
Let's start over on our story
Join the reel and feel our glory
In the land of Scotland

Indecision now is ended
Scotland's better independent
Take your ballot and your pen
And mend the land of Scotland

So vote yes to start the turn
Without forgetting Bannockburn
And every nation soon will learn
That we're the land of Scotland

You can take the Scot from Scotland
You can make him diasporan
But you'll never make him foreign
To the land of Scotland

For too long now we've been ruled by
People who don't share or go by
Principles we want to live by
In the land of Scotland

We want semi-Scandinavian
Socialism in one nation
Free healthcare, free education
For the land of Scotland

The Baobab Tree

Agatha Moudio, widow of a Romeo
Her jealous husband murdered me
They hanged him from the baobab tree

Agatha Moudio thought that God had video
So she acted honestly to the point of cruelty

Morals now are on the slide
We've all got stuff to hide
Some have lovers on the side
Others just lie for the sake of lying

If you wish to push and poke
Push and poke like decent folk
Then you've got to learn to lie
Learn to live a double life

At the big antheap and by the bridge
I see him all around the village
Sometimes wearing devil horns
Sometimes with nothing on

The little white lies you refuse to tell
Sometimes lead to bloody hell
When your husband murders me
Under the baobab tree

Agatha Moudio, widow of a Romeo
Her jealous husband murdered me
They hanged him from the baobab tree



Wombwhip

You will never beat the clock
You will never whip it
In fact the clock beats you
Might as well admit it

Giving birth hurts like hell
Children cost a bucket
But without them we will fall
So whip the womb now, fuck it

Wombwhip, pussywhip
Crack crack
Wombwhip, cockwhip

Biology the bomb, the clock
Better womb- than tomb-whipped
The coffin is a hungry box
Russian dolls a better boss

We need people in the world
Get to work now, girls!
Russian dolls may wombwhip you
But boys are wombwhipped too

Wombwhip, pussywhip
Crack crack
Wombwhip, cockwhip

Hygiene

You told me hygiene was the reason you washed your hands of me
And hygiene was the reason you cancelled me
You said a clean break from an old mistake is hygiene

Well you take being clean to an extreme
Though I know you are happy with Mr Sheen
Try a second take on an old mistake instead of hygiene

I'm going down to the river, going to wash myself in the mud
I'm going down to the river, going to wash away your blood
And swim in the river till I'm clean, hygiene

I am dirty now, I am not clean
I am dirty now, I have no hygiene
But is it a virtue just staying clean?

The Boring Friend

It's not as if you smell of poo
But everyone's avoiding you
Nothing's coming out of you that's interesting at all

Oh no, here you come
Keen to corner everyone
With boring stuff we honestly don't really need to hear

And you keep hanging round
Running me to ground
Find me something fresh or find some other fox to hound

Do something, anything
To make my heart sing
Make me want to ever want to see your face again

You say stupid things
Why are we listening
When you don't even really seem to listen to yourself

So let's go different ways
You speak in cliches
When I've got nothing new to say my lips are sealed

Say something, anything
To make my heart sing
No motherfucker in this world wants a boring friend

So why not surprise yourself
Why not turn into someone else
Lose one ton of ugly fat by cutting off your head

Be Austrian, Australian
Reptile Rastafarian
Be anything that interests me, or just leave me alone

Do something, anything
To make my heart sing
Make me want to ever want to see your face again

Say something, say anything
To make my heart sing
No motherfucker in this world wants a boring friend

I'm not one for naming names
Everyone should up their game
No-one clever ever has to be the boring friend

The Pasha

The pasha can do anything that he wants
But he mostly wants sex and cocaine
The pasha can have anyone that he wants
Eating ice cream and candy all day

The pasha treats people like Turkish Delight
And he swallows them down like a snack
He summons his whores and goes down on all fours
And before them brings everything back

The pasha is wealthy, the pasha is selfish
The pasha's the monster in you
The pasha is simply what happens to people
When people have nothing to do

Desires and requirements indulged become tyrants
And nothing is ever enough
The pasha can eat everything in the world
And still remain empty of love

The pasha is sick, sick of his sin
Sick up to here with himself
His puritan nephew will execute him
To save him from doing it himself

The pasha is bored, bored of his whores
But doesn't like falling in love
The pasha says ouch, there's a bump in my couch
The pasha's a rich Oblomov

The pasha is living in all day in pajamas
He hardly wears anything else
The pasha is healthy but sick of the drama
The drama of being himself

Should he go shopping or order a hanging?
and s hould he go hunting for game?
It all becomes boring when all you do's snoring
Every day feels just the same

The pasha is sick, sicker than death
Sick to the teeth of himself
His puritan nephew will execute him
To save him from doing it himself

The pasha is sick, sick in his skin
Sick up to here with himself
His puritan nephew will execute him
To save him from himself

The Shape of a Pear

I'm not the flighty gecko you chased into the crack in the stump
Of the sycamore tree
Ronald said adjusting was the last thing I should do when I'm drunk
Because the world's the disease

The head splits from the body
The decay begins to face its own decay
It's like the tail that wags the dog

Cinnamon's the smell of someone who would rather be alive
A reciprocal girl
A person who is stubbornly releasing all the drones in the hive
It's a reciprocal world

When the head splits from the body
The decay begins to face its own decay
It's like the quack that leads the duck

And Ronald tells me madness is the only sane response to the machine
To things as they are
I see the exhibitionist believes it only happens in a dream
Or in the back of a car
And I was going round and round in the Columbia garage with coloured lights flashing
But only in my head

The Russian girl was Wednesday I think she ran away but that's okay
I've still got her underwear
And I'm becoming all the characters I used to sing about but they
Need the air

And it's the journey that exhausts you, not burying your headache in the fire
In an obstacle world
And Ronald says he's kissed the lips of every live electrical wire
On the Golbourne Road

The head splits from the body
The decay begins to face its own decay
It's just the fish you've got to fry

To disappear is easy when inside you feel you're cut into three
In the shape of a pear
I always wonder how I carry on when things are so unreal
But Ronald says
By being everywhere

The head splits from the body
The decay begins to face its own decay
It's just the pig you've got to fly

Charles the Lobster Man

Charles the lobster man
Walks upon the strand
Feeds the crabs with jam
Then home home

Charles the lobster man
Walks upon the sand
Blood begins to run
From the dipping sun

He will forget his name
He will forget this town
Everyone he's known
Soon soon

Charles the lobster man
You are not alone
We shall dance along
Behind you

Charles the lobster man
It may begin to rain
Or you may go insane
Soon soon

Charles the lobster man
Walks upon the sand
Blood begins to run

He will forget his name
He will forget this town
Everything he's known
Soon soon

Charles the lobster man
You walk upon the strand
Something starts to scream
Behind you

He will forget his name
He will forget this town
Everything he's known
Soon soon

Charles the lobster man
You are not alone
Something walks behind
Something following

Decembers

Time is the chloroform
Nature a horror film
Slow-motion holocaust
Flowing past

We are historiphage
We swallow every age
Tiny philosopher
Poet turned sage

Nature dismembers us
Breaks and decembers us
Erasing our wanderlust
Slowing us down

Going on for centuries
Is how we're meant to be
Like an enormous tree
Ringed through with history
Tiny philosopher
Poet and sage

Nature decembers us
So be adventurous
Here comes the terminus
Sic transit us

p + c 2014 American Patchwork
MomusMcClymont Two is a collaboration between Momus and David McClymont recorded in Osaka and Melbourne

AMPATCH 015
Manufactured and distributed by Darla

Produced by Momus and David McClymont

All songs written by Nick Currie and David McClymont
and published by Sony Music Japan (Currie)
and Copyright Control (McClymont)
Cover drawing by Antonia Campbell
CD painting by Jack Davidson

Design by Momus

Thanks to Janet Austin, Hisae Mizutani, James Agren, Mick Harvey, Antonia Campbell, Jack Davidson

The album as a YouTube playlist: