MomusMcClymont: MomusMcClymont One


Pinocchio



Did you hear the news about Peggy Sue?
She married Pinocchio
They got photoshopped down at the zoo
He lied when he said "I do"

Pinocchio is the boy with the nose
And when he lies, it grows
And even here in Tokyo
I hate Pinocchio

Get me a witness in a slit gown
Get me Ginger Baker from Cream
Get me Joe Cocker on a white swan
I used to be in love, but it's all gone wrong

Well she used to be mine, I used to feel fine
Used to pick her up about a quarter to nine
Take her down to the five and dime
Even though we lived in Newcastle On Tyne

Well, back in the day I had a big DA
A Rickenbacker 50 and an old PA
I'd spit on my hands, living the dream
Paying the band in Brylcream
Well the bassist and the drummer looked like toads
But they could rev the Triumph, and they could rev the Rhodes
And the drummer was my brother, and we liked to play hot
We'd share the girls, share the lot

And Peggy Sue was a chick we knew
Waitressing at the Hullabaloo
We used to take turns
It still burns
But a brother is a brother, and you live and learn

Well you play the hokey cokey and you shake it all about
Put your left leg in, your right leg out
Well you do Peggy Sue, then you pop out
You scratch and frown
And sit down

Pinocchio is the boy with the eyes
And when the world dies, he cries

And Pinocchio was the boy with the ears
And when the world dies, he hears
But what's that noise coming out of his car?
Britney Spears

Keep on doing the hokey cokey, shaking it about
You put your left leg in, your right leg out
Get me a witness in a slit gown
Get me Ginger Baker from Cream

We used to blast Little Richard over the Tyne
But since they built the bridge he takes the train
Well you do the hokey cokey and you shake it all about
You put your left leg in, your right leg out
Even when there's nothing to shout about
Well you know how to fake it, so you really scream and shout
You've got a guitar face, a Rickenbacker frown
You shake it all about and you don't sit down
You keep on doing the hokey kokey till you're all clapped out
And even here in Tokyo
I hate Pinocchio

Buzz



I run into the devil down at the crossroads
He's got a fly for a face
Then it starts raining, time is running backwards
My tongue is hanging out and I'm staring into space

And the fly goes buzz

Tell me Dostoyevsky was wrong about human nature
Tell me we are more than just a total waste of space
Tell me there is goodness in the heart of every creature
Tell me that through culture we will one day touch grace

And the fly goes buzz

Fudged in time like an insect crushed in ointment
Nothing ever comes to the intelligent man
So dangle like a spider on the thread of disappointment
Your just desserts aren't even ice cream

And the fly goes buzz

Down amongst the gypsies I met Howard Devoto
Told him that the devil had been singing his praise
I said "Only you and me and Dostoyevsky
Can really understand the general malaise"

And the fly goes buzz

Hotpants



Don't look so sly as you glide by
Don't look so down, unfrown that frown
Don't kill no Bill, no people who
Are probably only muddling through
A bad day just like you

Shrug off your pain, you'll be right as rain
Don't kick when you can't win
Kick off your shoes and sing...

Look at what you've got
In your hotpants you look hot
Like Mary Tyler Moore
With a smile you keep obscure

Unpop that pill, don't crack that gun
You're spoiling everybody's fun
By shooting everyone…

Don't kill no Bill, no people who
Are probably only muddling through
A bad day just like you

And I've been down and I've been had
And it looks bad but it's not so bad…

Don't pop no pill, you'll make it through
I know you will, I believe in you

Love is all you need, you will succeed
Swagger when you walk, let the hotpants talk

Unpop that pill, don't crack that gun
You're spoiling everybody's fun
By shooting everyone…

My Greatest Mistake



I've made some mistakes in my time
But you are the best mistake of mine
I've made girls happy but mostly sad
I've done a few good things but mostly bad

I think you are my greatest mistake
The best mistake I ever did make
I've made so many, but you take the crown
The one mistake I hope I'll never live down

Hanging round the swimming teacher down by the pool
I told her that I loved her, she snapped back "Fool!"
That hooker I picked up, thinking she'd get clean
She sold my television, now she's back on the scene, but

I think you are my greatest mistake
The best mistake I ever did make
If I had a time machine I'd travel through time
And make you again and again

I've made girls happy but mostly sad
I've done a few good things but mostly bad
I've made some mistakes in my time
But you are the best mistake of mine

I think you are my greatest mistake
The best mistake I ever did make
I've made so many, but you take the crown
The one mistake I hope I'll never live down

Kids, make all the mistakes you can
Because he only comes around the carousel once, the Candy Man
Grab your error by the main
Bounce up and down on the ghost train
Ride your error, clippety clop
On the carousel, and don't stop
With the candy man and see your error's
Sparkling eyes and feel your error and empathise
Hip hop, don't you stop
Grab your error by the main
Bounce up and down on the ghost train
Ride your error, clippety clop
On the carousel, and don't stop, don't stop

I think you are my greatest mistake
The best mistake I ever did make
If I had a time machine I'd travel through time
And make you again and again

You are my triumph, my damnation, my vindication, my eradication
My sentimental education, my syndication, my column
My Gollum, my Rapunzel, my losing face, my saving grace
My losing face, my saving grace
They say to err is human, so let down your err
Let down your hair Rapunzel
Start at the top and let yourself drop
Let yourself down from there...

I think you are my greatest mistake
The best mistake I ever did make
I've made so many, but you take the crown
The one mistake I hope I'll never live down

Incompetence



I feel like rubbish flotsam
Floating on a sea
I feel seasick, completely rotten
Drowning in a shipwreck
Caused by me

Staggering up a road less travelled
Too late! The road's unravelled
Must be some kind of gift to fuck up so badly
What could have been your life

Standing scratching in your ruined garden
I feel like a procession of one
I wonder if you're still alive
Well your lights are on but now it starts to rain

Well you waited but I never came
It must be some kind of gift to fuck it up so badly
I'm trying to steer with the edge of a knife
What could have been my life

There's a cat hanging round
Who seems to know me
Seems to agree
That my chance has gone

And as my life begins to unravel
I'm grinning on tiptoe on your gravel
Trying to glimpse a shelter from the rain
Well you waited, you waited but I never came

It must take some kind of gift to fuck it up so badly
The valley of rift that I survey so sadly
I feel the pain between my shoulder blades
This could have been my life

And I'm staggering up a road less travelled
Too late! The road's unravelled
It's some kind of gift to fuck up so badly
What could have been your life

Google is Wrong



The culture says that you're not important
I believe the culture is wrong
Even though since we split up
You haven't done much of anything
You've paired up, passed time
But mostly stayed completely schtum
Well we all pair up, we all pass time
But it's who you are, not what you've done

And Google says that you're not important
But I believe Google is wrong
I'll still hang you on my wall
I'll still put you in my song
For me you're still an idol
Even if you do nothing at all
For me you're famous for nothing at all

You changed my life then you disappeared
Do you live underground, do you wear a beard?
Remember how you wore that cute moustache
At the art school graduation bash

I'm blocked from your social network
That must be where it all goes down
That must be where you express your feelings
The thoughts that you have from time to time

I will be the messenger
Tell the world with enthusiasm
How great you were

Your ripples and your nipples
Are deep in my DNA
It falls to me to tell these people
You're great -- what's your name again?

Shadowman



I was the most beautiful man in the world
I had the most beautiful clock
It seemed to stretch around the block
On the track, time slipped back
The world forgot my victory lap
Tiger features cragged away
And now I am the shadow man

I was the most beautiful man in the world
I earned the most beautiful scars
Crashing all the most beautiful cars
Nought to sixty in six seconds
Christ it only felt like seven
Round the track and in the sack
And now I am the shadow man

I was the most beautiful man in the world

Girls and cars, bars, guitars
I thought it would all last forever
But time ran out, and now in heaven
I am the shadow man

I was the most beautiful man in the world
I had the most beautiful clock
Tick, tock, tick, tock
Girls, girls, girls, girls
Tick, tock, tick, tock

The shadow man
But now I am the shadow man

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Now I am the shadow man

Girls, girls, girls, girls
Tick, tock, tick, tock

But now I am the shadow

Buses



The crazy bus driver
A hardened survivor
Became a great artist
And came on apace

He started doing crashes
To entertain passengers
It didn't hurt when he
Smashed up his face

But only a has-been
Goes through the window
He's got more talent
And he's got more tact

He fought free from learning
Taught himself nothing
The original autodidact

And years in the ghetto
Hardened his mettle
Put dents in his fenders
But never his pride

And now when he kills you
It really thrills you
The critics are calling it
"Passengercide"

At Waterloo Station
His big installation
Stopped traffic
A flaming success

And his intervention
At Dalston Junction
Created triumphant distress

And now he's got chops to
Compare with Tsaikovsky's
His Nutcracker Crash
Was the best of the worst

That crazy bus driver
Original thinker
A mere child could do it
But he did it first

His interrogation
Of driver frustration
Incisive and cutting
A master stroke

Those willing to listen
Heard the capitalist system
Come crashing system
In wreckage and smoke

He finds inspiration
Where you least expect it
Takes cliches and throws them all
Into reverse

That crazy bus driver
That difficult rider
The best of the best and
The worst of the worst

The crazy bus driver
Destroyed all his rivals
When they climbed aboard his
Opus 53

They were screaming in terror
But not the bus driver
That great artist
Died in his sleep

Oxygene Liquide



Radioscopie, televisite
Comme je vis seul, je cite
Ma vie est rempli des voix "off" limite
Des gens dans le street
Quel sort torride
Mais comme c'est
Mercredi j'evite leurs
Invitations, excitations
Tous leurs febriles passions
Inutile pour moi
Depuis que tu me quitte

Je prends mon exit
Je prends mes distances
Excuses of course
Et puis, je cite, je sors
Poursuivi par un ourse
Je cherche le cote maritime
De la Boheme
Et c'est completement legitime
Le cote maritime
De la Boheme
J'n'suis pas un mythomane
Mais can me blesse a little bit
D'etre victime
De ce manoeuvre tres classique

Je comprends "a bit"
C'est parce que j'evite
Tous mes responsibilitees
Mais zut
Tu me laisse la dans le shit
Renverse rapide
Quel sort torride
Corrida complement horrible
Et puis, je cite
Je sors
Poursuivi par un ourse
Je cherche le cote maritime
De la Boheme

Je bois pur
Oxygene liquide
Je suis frigide
Dans le vide
Et dans le vide
Je fais mon nid
Comme un oiseau frigide
Qu'on jette par la fenetre
Mort et rigide, asphyixie par
L'oxygene
Liquide

Parallel



I miss the moment we never met
We pass like ships on the sea
And yet a part of me is aware of the fact
That you mean nothing to me

There's a sun in a parallel world
There's a sea in a parallel world
You love me in a parallel world
I believe in a parallel world

And when I saw you on Saturday
My arms seemed glued to my side
I had the line prepared to say to you
But my voice just died when I tried

There's a sun in a parallel world
There's a sea in a parallel world
You love me in a parallel world
So I believe in a parallel world

And if empathy were real
You'd understand the way I feel
And we'd sail to watch the dolphins
As they move across the Earth
You were always quite the talker
But the silence would be smarter
In your Quadrophenia parka
And my Sherlock Holmes deerstalker
Mrs Porter and her daughter
In their villa in Mallorca
And the ship would cross the water
Mrs Porter, Mrs Porter
In a Sherlock Holmes deerstalker

There's a sun in a parallel world
There's a sea in a parallel world
You love me in a parallel world
So I believe in a parallel world

Stakhanovites



Like good Stakhanovites we'll work to change it all
When rotten beams support a gallery, it falls

They have the old school tie, the fast-revolving door
They own the grand hotel, the liner and the shore
They have the telephone, they have the rubbish truck
They have the copper wire, of all the rotten luck

We must work twice as hard now mining their coal
And maybe one day we will own our own souls
Like good Stakhanovites we'll work to change it all
When rotten beams support a gallery, it must fall

We must work twice as hard now mining their coal
And maybe one day we will own our own souls
Like good Stakhanovites we'll work to change it all
When rotten beams support a gallery, it must fall

Eurabia



Abdul Rachman, swoon swoon
First popstar on the moon
A mosquito bit me
The United States of Eurabia

A mosquito bit me
Look out! What's up?
There never were mosquitos here before!
I looked up, looked out
Lit a cigarette
Saw a minaret
There on a mosque
Beyond my door
Never saw a more beautiful minaret
Were there churches before the war?
I don't remember anything before the war

Cheap flights, all night
Half haj to Mecca
Even better, a cheap flight to the moon
Arrange one soon at your local
International call centre
Hubble bubble, did you perform wudu
Have you sat your citizenship test?
Answer me this first: the best Eurabian on the moon?

The United States of Eurabia

Cheap flights all night
A half haj to Mecca
Even better, a cheap flight to the moon all night
Arrange one soon at your local
International call centre
Hubble bubble, perform wudu
Have you sat your citizenship test?
Answer me this first: the best Eurabian on the moon?

The United States of Eurabia

Allah save Copenhagen
Allah save Paris London
Abdul Rachman, swoon swoon
First popstar on the moon
The United States of Eurabia

The Snowdog



And here I am, a killer, bladerunner
And every snowdog needs a father, a brother
And even evil men get lonely sometimes
And I wonder if you were one of our kind

Every stray dog needs a home
I don't want to spend Christmas alone
Christ throw your snowdog a bone
I don't want to spend Christmas alone

And I'm trying to live my life in imitation of Christ
To do unto the other guy what he'd otherwise do to me twice
Born in a manger in Galilee
I see a lot of Thee in me

Every stray dog needs a home
I don't want to spend Christmas alone
Christ throw your snowdog a bone
I don't want to spend Christmas alone

In this world of dog-eat-dog
A straw man holds a straw god
Responsible, criminally,
For centuries of blood

Every stray dog needs a home
I don't want to spend Christmas alone
Christ throw your snowdog a bone
I don't want to spend Christmas alone



p + c 2013 American Patchwork
MOMUSMCCLYMONT is a collaboration between Momus and David McClymont recorded in Osaka and Melbourne between July and October 2012

AMPATCH 013
Manufactured and distributed by Darla

Produced by Momus and David McClymont

All songs written by Nick Currie and David McClymont
and published by Sony Music Japan (Currie)
and Copyright Control (McClymont)
Except Hotpants, written by Currie, McClymont, Althea Forrest and Donna Reid

Cover drawing by Gea Philes

Design by Momus

Thanks to Janet Austin, Miles Menegon, Hisae Mizutani, James Agren, Gea Philes

The album as a YouTube playlist: