Sunbutler: Sunbutler


Sun Butler



When you can't relax with Symbyax
And Paroxetine fails again
And Marplan and Nardil
Can't relieve the pain

I'll be your sun butler
Your robotic mate
Bring the moon
To your room
The sun upon a plate

When Mandrax and cocaine
Can't stop the rain
And Marplan and Nardil
Go chasing round your brain

I'll be your sun butler
Your robotic mate
Bring the moon
To your room
The sun upon a plate

I'll be your sun butler
In this robotic world
Bring the moon
To your room
My robotic girl

Doghouse



You can't say nothing about windowshopping
Street brings the bootie but I'm only looking
And when I make my move I plan to fail
Cos I'm too good for the doghouse
Too good for jail

I wish I was a failing sailor on the sea
I'd be the most amazing failure you could be
I am a man, I have the genitalia
But they are staying in my pants, Amelia

I wouldn't kick her out of lying in bed all day
On a dark night all cats are grey
And if you reject me, rejection is okay
Better than being tempted by
The one that got away

Lying in bed all day
All cats are grey
Rejection is okay
The one that got away

The Foreigner



He's the only fun in town
That heliocentric
New Romantic
But you look down
On the foreigner
On the visitor

See the slouching silhouette
Of the visitor
Of the traveller
No pose, no trick, no cigarette
That heliocentric
New Romantic

And he's got new stuff
Stuff you never knew
And he's got new thoughts
About things you didn't do
And you're not strong enough
But you act tough, don't you?
You send the foreigner
To the coroner

Go ahead, and put him down
Mock his rodeo
Mock his zydeco
But the only game in town
Is the foreigner
Is the traveller

He's the only fun in town
That heliocentric
New Romantic
But you look down
You send the foreigner
To the coroner

Ga ga the green guitar
Wrapped in a wrapper with a trickle of flour
Stick it in the oven and bang it's done
All fall flat with a trickle of cum
Ba ba the butcher's mad
The sea is all covered with a horrible flag
The man says yes and the man says no
The great plug hole is where we all go

So What?



So what you've got a big cock

So what you've got a big cock
That don't mean you are a nice person
So what you've got a big cock
Good golly Miss Molly
So what you've got a big cock
Must be great for masturbation
So what you've got a big cock
Jeez Louise

So what you've got a big cock
That don't mean that you have feelings
That don't mean that life has meaning

Sometimes I get so lonely I could shrivel on the vine
And so I take the corkscrew and I uncork the wine
The ashtray's overflowing, did I take all those quaaludes?
And I'm spinning for the umpteenth time Mott the Hoople, All The Young Dudes
It's early Friday evening and there's no-one I can call
And everyone seems happy but I'm not happy at all
Should I play a video game, should I take a walk
Or should I unzip my fly?

So what you've got a big cock
That don't mean that you belong now
So what you've got a big cock
That don't mean that you are strong now

So what you've got a big cock
Scream it from rooftop
You've got a big cock
But in this world of over-population
So what?
Why don't you become a cop
Clock the situations vacant
That's not a real job, that's
Mastur- mastur- mastur- mastur- mastur- mastur- masturbation!

Orion



Ice princess, ice princess, ice princess, ice princess

No sex last night
She made a wigwam in the bed and said I don't feel right
No sex last night
She made a fortress out of snow, an Alcatraz of ice
No sex last night
It got so cold in bed I went down to the forest
And I flirted with that sprite, the wicked witch of the western night
Beneath the northern lights

Ice princess, I leave my fingerprints on ice princess
Ice princess, I'll leave my underpants on
Under your dress

No sex last night
We drove cross-country in a rental car and went all night
No sex last night
The Blue Ridge mountains were a matress and the road was white
No sex last night
No conversation, but the constellation of Orion seemed to burn especially bright
Beyond the northern lights

Why won't anyone love me
The dirty way I want to be loved
And why won't anyone love me
The filthy way I crave to be loved

Ice princess, I leave my fingerprints on ice princess
Ice princess, I'll leave my underpants on
Under your dress

Oriental Lothario



In Singapore they call me cunt Casanova
In New Taipei the laughingstock Lothario
Of Long Dong Bay

Glad to come, good to go
Oriental Lothario, that's me

And in Beijing I could have been delightful Dick
But everything was poisoned by
My spiteful prick

Glad to come, good to go
Oriental Lothario, that's me

Hypersexual satyriasis
These are words that don't exist
Anywhere I turn on
They call me Hong Kong Don Juan

Glad to come, good to go
Oriental Lothario, that's me

Everywhere I turn on
They call me Hong Kong Don Juan, that's me

Glad to come, good to go
Oriental Lothario, that's me

Never



I might be your babysitter
I might be your funky clown
Father Christmas in midsummer
Tell you stories when you're down

I might be your homosexual
Lay you down in Amsterdam
Squirt you with my waterpistol
All over Tinseltown
In Vegas we're outrageous
Dancing in my hologram
In my hotel room we're famous
Baby that's the masterplan

Death Valley I will rock you
Tickle you with a crocodile rag
And in disco 3D
Make you smile cos that's my bag

But one thing I'll never be, I'll
Guarantee that's not my style
I will never, pretty baby
Be your funky pedophile

I don't think you're just a minor
I won't treat you like a kid
A person is a person, good or bad, small or big
I wanna be your extraterrestrial
Sex-electric kissogram
Funny uncle or headmaster
Baby that's the masterplan
Coca-Cola, marijuana
Anything you want, just ask
Tabloid papers, discoteca
Polaroid photographs
But one thing I guarantee for I am a decent man
I'll never lose my moral compass
I've drawn the lines in the sand

I might be your babysitter
I might be your funky clown
Father Christmas in midsummer
Tell you stories when you're down
But one thing I'll never be, I'll
Guarantee that's not my style
I will never, pretty baby
Be your funky pedophile

Spinoza



I walk the snigger path
When I tiptoe through the tulips of
My own grotesquely overweaning self-regard
That's right, I am well hard
And if you fuck with Snugglebun
Then the righteous retribution of everyone but the Pilsbury fucking Doughboy shall be thine
That's right, no cunt can be angry all the time, all the way from arsewipe to dinner time
That's right, not even if some other cunt has had his girlfriend in a pinch
In a clinch with curlicues that wobble in a cubicle down at Warrander baths
Like the scenery in a sitcom with extremely few laughs

That's right, there are some things in this world not imagined at your business school
Derek William Donaldson, perp of Fettesgate
Have pity on his victims, the frightened, helpless policemen
Whose fate was so awful they had to remain silent
Their pants down in evidence
They all had vitiligo
Some say sly reptilians control our every wish
By application of a fishy coat of vinyl matt emulsion
To our dreams, while others point at the pitiful figure of poor Sigourney Weaver
On a small electric golfcart at Gleneagles and say it's all the proof you need
Of free will

You should be reading Spinoza instead, boss
You're better off dead, that's right, boss
If you haven't read Spinoza
You heard that right, boss
And what were you doing Wednesday night, boss
Wading through shite in hobnail boots, fool
At the slack end of the graveyard shift
Behind the old incinerator down at Warriston Crematorium, fool
When you could've been waltzing with Matilda, with Matilda instead
Now she's dead after being forced instead to operate an industrial-stength dildo
Several hours beyond the manufacturer's recommended limit
Innit, fool?

(Matilda, you killed her)

I walk the snigger path
When I tiptoe through the tulips of
My own grotesquely overweaning self-regard
That's right, I am well hard
And if you fuck with Snugglebun
Then the righteous retribution of everyone but the Pilsbury fucking Doughboy shall be thine
That's right, no cunt can be angry all the time, all the way from arsewipe to dinner time
That's right, not even if some other cunt has had his girlfriend in a pinch
In a clinch with curlicues that wobble in a cubicle down at Warrander baths
Like the scenery in a sitcom with extremely few laughs

Hobnail boots, fool, the graveyard shift
(Matilda, you killed her)

Heliopolis



Bang, bang, bang, bang
Heliopolis is my town
Where the sun never goes down
The ram of the West they call me
Even the Nubians worship me
Because I rule righteously
The sea divides for me
I don't subtract, my subjects say
I multiply ten times a day
It's the sun that strengthens me
Down in the tomb, up in the yard
Under the pyramids of the sun, uh huh

Other rulers divide, I multiply
So when I die I'm gonna live large
On a solar barge I'll go far
Beloved of Amon Ra

Other pharaohs can't talk
Can't soar like a hawk
Can't stand with the head of a ram
On the very edge of the Aswan dam
In a solar barge
With a big harem going
Bang bang bang
The ram of the West they call me
Even the Nubians worship me

Archeologists sift my dust
For a million years I will persist
Like Tutankhamun I'll live large
In the underworld on a solar barge
With the coloured lights, the dancing girls
The dry ice, out of this world
Below me the Nile delta
Everybody running helter skelter

From Thebes to Karnak, party hard
Down in the tomb, up in the yard
Party in the pyramids of the sun
When you're dead the best is yet to come

Through the coloured lights, the dancing girls
The dry ice, out of this world
Below me the Nile delta
Everybody helter skelter
Screaming out their grief for me
But I'll be sailing above the sea
On a solar barge living large
From Thebes to Karnak, party hard
Down in the tomb, up in the yard
Under the pyramids of the sun
When you're dead the best is yet to come
Bang, bang, bang

Bodypop



Exploding shoulders
Padded head
First you're born
Then you're not

Simpleminded
Feed the world
Lick my finger
Make my day

Like a slave
In a lock
Lick your body
Like a cock

Your body
Is my car
Crash the roadblock
Rock guitar

Everybody
Pop your body

Christ my saviour
Where's your tie?
On Golgotha
Hump my trash
Time to die

Red dawn
Eat more fruit
Crunch your fist
Don't pollute

Print more money
Stop and start
Surveillance state
Panama

Everybody
Pop your body

Zero Sum



Get the girl, them's the rules
In this world you win or lose
The girl gets the right to choose
Who will win and who will lose

You get the girl, I lose
I get the girl, you lose
You get the girl, you win
You reproduce, Darwin
My descendants blown away
Your descendants here to stay
Zero sum idiot game

Glitterships



And there's holographic metal on a netherworld stare
And the people say: "Don't speak to me and when you speak don't swear"
Now you speak my language
And there's chemical smoke on a video screen
And the future's here saying: "Speak to me in Spanish
Now you speak in ambush
And now you speak my language
Speak to me in anguish
Now you speak my language"

Airbrush
A sympathetic touch from a voyager soul
And we're glitterships running out of control
By the Terris Gate on the love patrol

And there's holographic metal on a netherworld stare
And the people say: "Don't speak to me and when you speak don't swear"
Now you speak my language
When you talk to me in anguish
And there's chemical smoke on a video screen
And the future's here saying: "Speak to me in Spanish
Don't speak to me in English
Now you speak in ambush
Speak to me in anguish
Now you speak my language
Speak to me in anguish
Now you speak my language"

Airbrush
A sympathetic touch from a voyager soul
And we're glitterships running out of control
By the Terris Gate on the love patrol
When will we learn to face the sun?



c + p 2012 American Patchwork
Recorded in Osaka and Glasgow

All songs written by Nick Currie and Joe Howe and published by Sony Music Japan and Copyright Control, respectively

Artwork by Benjamin Rawson, design by Momus

The album as a YouTube playlist: