Trust Me, I'm A Doctor

Trust me, I'm a doctor
A specialist in the ailments
Of the actress

Trust me, I'm a doctor
And you suffer from a rare form
Of attractiveness

And trust me if I seem to touch you
During the course of the cure in a sexual way
You see I long since lost all interest
In feelings of pleasure and pain
I don't ever expect to feel those feelings again
But you still may

Trust me, I'm a doctor
Disregard my appearance on the blacklist

Trust me when your boyfriends
Jealously accuse me of malpractice

And trust me if I seem to touch you
During the course of the cure in a sexual way
You see I long since lost all interest
In feelings of pleasure and pain
I don't ever expect to feel those feelings again
But you still may

I am old, there is no hope left for me
But I know that there may be hope for you
I am old but I know that you could pull me through
If we operate, if we operate immediately

Touch me, I'm a doctor
My pulse is fast, my arms are very thin
Kiss me, hold me
Help me break this frozen sea within

And touch me if I seem to touch you
During the course of the cure in a sexual way
You see I long since lost all interest
In feelings of pleasure and pain
I don't ever expect to feel those feelings again

But I just still may

Lord Of The Dance

It's like a vision ( The Lord is coming )
I see the Saviour ( The Lord is coming back )
A beautiful woman ( The Lord is coming )
These are the last days ( The lost days of mankind )
People in fever ( At the end of the working week
Is the end of the world - He's coming back! )
And the Messiah is coming
With the body of a beautiful girl
And the people say . . .

Dance, dance, if you're a believer

In the light and rhythm and heat
Jesus Christ is a disco diva
She has come to set you free, she told me
Ecstasy is transitory, passion is impermanent
So let go, don't hold on
I am the Lord of the Dance, said she
I will turn you on

I see a beautiful woman (O Sabba Dukkha)
She's got the face of Buddha (O Sabba Annata)
I see her coming and smiling (O Sabba Annika) I hear her singing and saying (So speaks the Buddha )
"In man is no abiding entity
In things no abiding reality
Fantastic illusion is everywhere
Abandon every earthly care and

Dance, dance, if you're a believer
In the light and rhythm and heat
Siddharta Gotama is a disco diva
She has come to set you free"
She told me: "Lay down your heavy burden
Get up and follow me
I will make you fishers of men
I am the Lord of the Dance", said she
"I will turn you on'

Dance, dance, if you're a believer
In the light and rhythm and heat
In the beautiful fever of the disco diva
She has come to set you free

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

I'm sorry. I didn't seem important. I was wrong.

Photographs by the paparazzi
Joy rides in his Maserati
Invites from every arty fashion victim
To every warehouse party

I'm not blind I've seen you shine
When he's around
And I've watched all your desire
With fascination
Watched its satisfaction
And lying alone in bed I've read the book he sent us
'The Rules of Attraction' by Bret Easton Ellis

Fame, power, the love of women
I'm wrong the world is right
Stock, Aitken and Waterman
Margaret Thatcher and Sigmund
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
When you're up everybody wants your babies

And where we lived could've been bigger
And what I earned a much higher figure
That didn't seem important - I'm a little disappointed
But I'm trying not to get bitter

I'm not blind, I've seen you shine
When he's around
And I've watched all your desire
With fascination
Watched its satisfaction
And lying alone I've read 'Success' by Martin Amis
And 'The Rules of Attraction' by Bret Easton Ellis

Fame, power, the love of women
I'm wrong the world is right
Stock, Aitken and Waterman
Margaret Thatcher and Sigmund
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
When you're up everybody wants your babies

Goodbye to the 1980s

How Do You Find My Sister?

I am a servant, son of servants, I was born to serve
But I know this place in life is less than I deserve
So I've become a trainer not of beasts or birds
But the beautiful sister I've raised for this from birth

Lulu is a match girl and I her matchmaker
I've taught her all there is to know about the games you can play with fire
Taught her to jump through a burning hoop in a rented diamond choker
And to balance on her nose the head of a Johannesburg banker

At cocktail hour in Mayfair, at an Isle of Dogs boat show
Lulu appears in her Dior dress and me in my tuxedo
Lulu shuts up and shimmers while I make her name known to
Key members of the board of directors of Lonhro

So how do find my sister Mister?

Johnson was the first man to become my sister's customer
She met him at a dinner in honour of the brother of the Japanese ambassador
He stole the key to the satellite room and next to the computers
Telexes and fax machines made love to her

Her next conquest was Finlayson, Tory whip from Woking
His eyes were icy blue, he was impeccably well-spoken
He caught her with his daughter and he got her under torture
To confess she'd taught her poker
And spanked them both until his pants were soaking

So how do you find my sister, Minister?

Little by little, man by man, my sister has scaled the heap
She gets herself flushed out once a week by a quack down Harley Street
I set the prices and balance the books, sisters don't come cheap
It's a scandal what it costs these days to stop a press leak

My sister lives in Knightsbridge now and when I go to visit her
I buzz three times on the intercom and say Lulu, it's your solicitor
I once walked in and caught her sitting naked on top of Henry Kissinger
Take my word or take this Polaroid picture

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Henry Kissinger!

They knighted the servant yesterday, today you call me 'Sir'
You men who laid my sister I say to you now what you once said to her:
(You're surprised to hear me talk this way but stranger things occur)
'Kneel before me, kiss it, call me 'Sir!''

The Guitar Lesson

The pupil is twelve, attractive, withdrawn
In a midnight blue school uniform
Lips just a little too full for her face
Distant eyes full of space
In her posture no trace of coquette
No defiance

She fingers the frets looking forlorn
Crossing her legs where her tights have been torn
Starts as her mother comes into the room
And the afternoon grows still
And her mother feels chill
Shivers and buttons her coat

I gently correct the curve of her back
And open her book in the now-empty flat
At the classical piece I've had her prepare
And her arms are bare as she plays
And I draw back behind her ear
A few strands of hair gone astray

She shows me her bracelet, the lesson is done
I turn it around between finger and thumb
We sit face to face and it seems to me that
Her face is the face of a cat
And touching the place where her breasts will be
I press my hand flat

She comes into my lap, I turn her around
Her hands clasp my neck and her feet skim the ground
Her skirt travels up under my palm
But the pupil sits looking so calm
As if listening to the distant sound
Of a burglar alarm

What happened next it's hard to recall
The guitar lesson left no traces at all
Now, from afar, it seems to resemble
A strange composition in oil
Of a man, a guitar, and an innocent little girl

The Cabriolet

We leave the party at two or three
You hitch a lift in my Cabriolet
And though it's misty I'm just too tired or too lazy to close the soft top
And I don't stop you when you curl your body, cold in your little black mini
And hold against me

All night I've been flirting with everyone except you
How you explain my failure to find you as attractive as everyone else seems to I just don t know
But there's wind in our hair and drink in our systems
Breaking the ordinary inhibitions
And on the cassette some Louisiana Creole music
And you decide you want a cigarette
And though it only takes a second to demonstrate the gadget in the dash
I miss the black and white chevrons of the steep bend warning
And there's the sound of something smashing
Then nothing beneath the tyres of the Cabriolet...

In the sudden shock of silence, with the morning star above you
Lying bizarre in the wreck of my car . . .

Maybe I'm drunk or hallucinating
Maybe this isn't happening
Maybe you aren't lying there with tears in your little party dress
At the waist and the breast
Because in real life I was never this aroused by you
I was never this impressed
Your face unharmed, unstained but drained pale
Is suddenly more strange and beautiful than anything I've ever seen or ever will
Bathed in the light of the morning star I see someone
I never took the trouble to know, someone
I only now begin to feel I could love or make love to
I'm moved and aroused to see you in this strange new way
In the starlight filtering through the myriad fragments
Of the freshly shattered windscreen of the Cabriolet

In the sudden shock of silence, with the morning star above you
Lying bizarre in the wreck of my car
...I love you

Shaftesbury Avenue

I think you're wailing for someone
And I think he's not going to show
And there's this little place round the corner
Wanna go?

Uptown
Charcoal and braziers
Where the traffic is crazier
Where the people are racier
And the stage door is unlit

Uptown
I'm going up there just as I am
Going to dance down the roofs of the traffic jam
Cos I've got something that's itching me
And here's where I'm going to scratch it

Appearing in the West End:
Tottenham Hotspurs with Rolex handshakes
And crocodile sunlans
JAPs and prunes, cops and robbers
Touts with faces like the phantom of the opera
Chinatown pimps and handshake whores
And Tackhead caps at the Asloria doors
Foetus in the dish, falcon down the pan
Feasts in the dustbin
Gerrard Street girl watch as I go
My hungry blue eyes below your window
If I could just speak Cantonese
You could be my best friend
(Appearing in the West End)

There's some greal entertainment lined up for me on BBC 1
But meet me on Shahesbury Avenue
Operating for fun (looking for a good time)
Sophisticated sister, so much better at life than me
Meet me on Shaftesbury Avenue
Dance with me
Talk to me
Make love with me
Make me somebody

Uptown
Walking all night all alone
Through the entertainment zone
Searching for sweet oblivion
Till the bitter end
Nothing comes to him who waits
No free lunches, no dinner dates
Got to take your chance at a back door dance
With a very special friend

Appearing in the West End:
Streatham princesses in sherbert stilettoes
And matt black toy boys who act like heroes
Businessman sleaze, whips made of liquorice
No sex please: we're British
Council house tarts in cocktail bars
Looking for a boyfriend
XR 3 sunroofs open on the night
Bragging Kiss FM rapper's delight
Gerrard Street girl watch as I go
My hungry blue eyes below your window
If I could just speak Vietnamese
You could be my best friend
Appearing in the West End

There's some great entertainment lined up for me
On BBC 1
But meet me on Shahesbury Avenue
Operating for fun (looking for a good time)
Sophisticated sister, so much better at life than me
Meet me on Shaftesbury Avenue
Dance with me
Talk to me
Make love with me

Make me somebody

The Hairstyle of the Devil

She was seeing two at exactly the same time
She never mentioned you when she was round at mine
But when you were round at hers you always made a scene
Cos you only had ears for descriptions of the stranger she was seeing

And what she saw in me was only what attracts
The many girls I see behind their lovers' backs
But what she saw in you, I could never work it out
There was just one thing she found it turned you on to talk about

The inexplicable charisma of the rival
You said 'Describe for me the hairstyle of the devil
Is he passionate? (DonŐt answer!)
Is he detached (DonŐt answer that!)
Does he please you in the sack (Shut up, donŐt answer back!)
Just tell him I'm dying to meet him'

She called me up, she said sheŐs had enough
Of all the paranoia you mixed up with your love
We spent the night together, she woke me up at dawn
And called an all-night taxi
And when you came I was gone
You found my comb behind her chest of drawers
She said she'd slept alone but the bed was full of hairs
And when you matched them up , beyond a shadow of a doubt
The hairs belonged the Beelzebub
And you began to figure out

The inexplicable charisma of the rival
You said 'Describe for me the hairstyle of the devil
Does he make you laugh? (DonŐt answer!)
Does he earn a lot? (DonŐt answer that!)
Does he dress you up in black? (Shut up, donŐt answer back!)
Just tell him I'm dying to meet him

The inexplicable charisma of the rival
With the luck and the hairstyle of the devil

And so you gaze at the people all about
In every stranger's face you try to make me out
And when you meet me finally your horns will lock with mine
For the beast rules with rivalry
As the clock rules with time
Pleased to meet you, hope you've guessed my name

Amongst Women Only

And when she left me I felt no jealousy
For company I had this fantasy
I imagined her without me in ecstasy
Alone or amongst women only

When she arouses herself to her crisis herself
She tries to touch the centre that comprises herself
She sees the shapes that fantasy devises for her
She feels beneath her finger how it rises for her
Pleasure approaches, she surprises herself
When she arouses herself to her crisis herself

For my clumsy butter fingers she abandoned me
And all my brutal masculinity
Now I like to think of her forgetting me utterly
Abandoning herself much more skilfully

Torn away from Kansas like some Dorothy
In a Wizard of Oz become pornography
Maybe she'll land on Lesbos and discover Sapphic tendencies
In harems full of Eastern promiscuity

When she arouses herself to her crisis herself
She tries to touch the centre that comprises herself
She sees the shapes that fantasy devises for her
She feels beneath her finger how it rises for her
Pleasure approaches, she surprises herself
When she arouses herself to her crisis herself

And when she left me I felt no jealousy
For company I had this fantasy
I imagined her without me in ecstasy
Alone or amongst women only

Monsters of Love

Marrakesh, in an attic hotel room
The woman they call 'The Hostess'
Smokes cigarettes for her nervousness
Takes off and folds up her dress

And diagonal sun across darkness
Churning through dust to her leg
Bisects between shutter and ceiling
Silk of a fresh spider's web

From the siesta of Reason
Come monsters of love
The stillborn issue, the bulb-eyed fool
Sterile and slow as the stubborn mule
What mutations thresh in a kiss
What perversities flourish in this
Monster of love?
- Guest below
Black widow above

And the hostess is naked
As she waits for his key in the door
And her body is old as the hills
And as young as forty-four
From the street comes the rasp of an engine
And the whiff of exhaust on the air
Brief Arabic conversation
Then the step of the Guest on the stair

From the siesta of Reason come monsters of love
Spawn of tadpole in polythene
Liberator of the hijack gene
She will replenish the teeming earth
And then guzzle the afterbirth
This monster of love
Guest below
Black widow above

And the Guest has abandoned himself
To a joy so intense he could die
And sucking her silk between shutter and ceiling
The spider releases her fly

From the siesta of Reason come monsters of love
The horse-lizard, the lamb-badger
The thrush-lemur, the wildcat-gazelle
The crow-monkey, the bat-jaguar
The dog-dromedary, the slug-whale

Monsters of love
Guest below
Black widow



Index