Twenty Vodka Jellies
I Am A Kitten

When you caress your little cat
And stroke me with your hand
I know I'm just a kitten but
I long to be a man
My little eyes are Chinese blue
They view with some regret
This girl who's stroking me
Regards me only as her pet

And though I'd love to be loved
The gods ordained it that
You came out a human being
And I was just... a cat
(I am a kitten)

I hate to sleep all rolled up small
And dream of butterflies
I hate to paw at balls of wool
And massacre poor mice
Stripey tails and pointy ears
Bore me half to tears
Those days have gone for good
Since I saw you in the nude

And though I'd love to be loved
We've got to face the fact
You're up there, a human being
And I'm down here... a cat
(I am a kitten)

And though I'd love to be loved
I've got to face the fact:
The gods who made you a human being
Created me... a cat
(I am a kitten... meow)


Vogue Bambini

A barrel full of monkies would be
Quite a lot of fun
So won't you tell me
Where I can get one?
Maybe there's a baby I can dress
Comme des Garcons
Oh yes I want one
A really cute one

There's a Vivienne Westwood baby
Here on page sixteen
Of the new edition of my favourite magazine

Keep reading Vogue Bambini
Drink a glass of dry Martini
Lie down and go BAM BAM!'

Boys are just like babies
They do things that babies do
They go BAM BAM!
And bring the house down
I've got Johnson's bubble bath
I've got baby shampoo
But not the baby
The monkey won't do

With my pop star boyfriend
Sitting in our little flat
Hoping that my tummy
Will just suddenly go fat

Keep reading Vogue Bambini
Drink a glass of dry Martini
Lie down and go BAM BAM!

(Est ce que ce petit bebe est a toi mademoiselle? Parce que, si ce n'est pas a toi, je veux l'emporter chez moi.
Ah oui, j'aime tellement les enfants, je les aime vachement. Regardez, dans ce mensuel Italien, les bambinis fantastiques!)

Keep reading Vogue Bambini
Drink a glass of dry Martini
Lie down and go BAM BAM!

I keep reading Vogue Bambini
In my little flat
Hoping that my tummy will just
Suddenly go fat

Vogue Italia Bambini
Shake and stir me like Martini
Lie down, BAM BAM!


The Poisoners

We corrupted Swiss chocolate
We laced it with strychnine
And said we'd only stop it
For a cool six million

We corrupted Swiss chocolate
And moved to the Philippines
We've come to know exactly
What being fabulously wealthy means

(It's beautiful)

And the times I feel guilty
For the children who died
I press my ear to Jenny's belly
And hear our child inside

A boy or a girl?
A victor or victim?
New life made possible by strychnine
Born into a world of cyanide

They call us the poisoners
But we knew
Being decent and humane
Folk without a brain
Sneezing in the rain
Would never do
We'd rather be poisoners
Than prisoners like you

They call us the poisoners
We got rich quick
But the world got sick
Before we slipped the strychnine in the bar
We'd rather be poisoners than losers
Like you are

We moved to Manila
We golf on the golf green
With all the other killers
Who know exactly what it's like to win

(It's wonderful)

Nikon 2

Je suis photographice
Tu es gigolo
Tu prends des actrices
Trouve ca rigolo
Quand mes larmes glissent
Je prends des photos
In flagrante delicto

J'ai photographie
Vedettes et porno
Tous les pin-ups gai
High energy disco
Souvent j'ai pleuree
Quand tu m'a fait trop
Derriere mes verres fumees

Quand mes larmes glissent
Je prends des photos
Moi photographice
Toi le gigolo
Exhibitioniste
Pauvre petit salaud
Toi tu prends les filles
Je prends des photos

Avec ma camera
Comme voyeur cachee
Je suis temoin de
Tes infidelitees
Et dans les journaux
Je vais t'exposer
In flagrante delicto

Un beau jour et - vlac!
T'ouvre les journeaux
Liser les articles
Trouver... ton photo
Nu avec ta pute
Qui, pour son solo
Chante le 'do re mi fa so'

Quand mes larmes glissent
Je prends des photos
Moi photographice
Toi le gigolo
Entrainant les filles
Dans ton lavabo
Toi tu prends les risques
Je prends des photos

Avec ma camera
Comme voyeur cachee
Je suis temoin de
Tes infidelitees
Et dans les journaux
Je vais t'exposer
In flagrante delicto


Giapponese a Roma

Sono piccola com'e Lolita
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)
Sono una ragazza sola
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)

Con la mia Vespa
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)
Voglio fare la ginnastica artistica
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)

Modernista, Futurista
Il Duce e Fascista
Una Giapponese, bella ragazza
Solo con la mia Vespa
Via del Corso, Villa Borghese
Due cappucini per piacere
Cazzo di Dio, santa Madonna
Una Giapponese a Roma

A i giardini di Villa Borghese
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)
Voglio manigare i gelati
(Sono Giapponese a Roma)

Modernista, futurista
Manifestazione culunquista
Al Gianicolo
Sotto
Gli alberi di limone nel' grotto
Vogio scopare, fare l'amore
Con i ragazzi di Trastevere
Modernista, Futurista
Una Giapponese a Roma

Marinetti mangia gli spaghetti
Giorgio de Chirico beve cappucini
I ragazzi di Trastevere
Con le Lambrette e i Lamborghini
Io sono la vostra prima ballerina
Io sono prima donna discothequa

Andiamo
Allegri
Al mare in cinquo cento
Guarda il panorama
Sulla Christoforo Colombo
Madre mia, la mare
E com una bella pitura
Voglio trovare la dolce vita

Paolo

Paolo why do your lovers caress in the bows of round-bellied boats?
Who is Sara, the girl with the stained-glass face?
What is he thinking, the man in the spectacles under the blood red cliffs?
Where was he when Juventus won their aways?

In America how did your blue-collar brother
Balance his lunch on a skyscraper girder?
How did he feel when Angela spat in his face?

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of fig trees and marble?

Paolo where is the teacher's fiancee while he floats in Genoa docks?
What's the first word that comes into your head when I say 'lemon ice-cream'?
Who shared red wine and a kilo of salad there in the back of your Fiat 500?
What does 'cantautore' really mean?

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of fountains and tortoiseshell?

Paolo Conte, tell me did Gramsci drink aniseed here in Cafe Garibaldi?
If trains had hands would they run them through their hair?
And all these officials in white painted offices playing with executive toys
How should they punish their wives who are having affairs?

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of foxgloves and incubae?

Paolo how shall we pass all the hours that stretch between lunchtime and autumn?
Why does the smell of expresso remind you of prowling for girls at the forum?
Are the labels on Turkish cigars secret messages from the Byzantine Empire?
Which are the saunas most favoured by singers in the soft rock idiom?

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of beehives and newspapers?

Paolo along Via Giulia once I saw breasts in a chink between shutters
While the burglar alarms were screaming insanely like Toscanini prima donnas
And the windows blew shut and I saw my reflection had the eyes of an unborn daughter
And the lightning was forking lazily over the dome of St Peter's

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of pine cones and mortar fire?

Is the washing still flapping all night behind buildings
Where car factory workers are dreaming of pine cones and tortoise shell?

Gang awa hame ye scallywag
Gang awa hame yerseil
Gang awa hame Deacon Brodie
Dancin wi the Diel

The night was your day
The bulb was your sun
Your love was so deep
You turned two to one

The End Of History

Headlights cross my bedroom wall
I don't want to sleep
Restlessness and nervousness
Are my constant friends

I stayed in hoping you would call
Every night last week
Watching films on video
Time and time again

Something strange is happening
I believe the world
Is a book for which
A happy ending has been found

I dreamed I saw a city full
Of monstrous little girls
Fifty metres tall they
Crushed the buildings to the ground

I heard they put a telescope
In orbit round the earth
And with it saw an asteroid
Rushing towards us

But I'm not scared, I live in hope
For better or for worse
There must be light beyond the void
Yes, I know there must

Headlights cross my bedroom wall
But I don't want to sleep
Ever since you called I've been
So happy I could weep

The sky tonight is full of stars
Searchlights and balloons
The world is ending, here we are
Together in my room

I'll be yours and you'll be mine
At the end of history
Through the darkness we will shine
Never lose your love for me

London 1888

Cellophane grandfather clock
I hope your hands will never stop
Rescue me from this ugly block
In Tokyo, 21st century
It's London, 1888
I am descended from a great
Clan of the Meiji shogunate
And I am travelling extensively

It's London 1888
I sit here drinking nettle wine
My family is in decline
And I confess the fault is mine
The doorman's sure to sit and wait
To see who I'll bring home tonight
I'll pay him cash to keep him quiet
I am a libertine

Cellophane grandfather clock
You've got my conscience in the dock
You've got me walking round the block
You've got me searching for experience
Cellophane grandfather clock
I am a Buddhist, I am not
Victorian, I love your shops
But your morality is meaningless

It's London 1888
And I have learned the game of chess
I have a club, it's on the Strand
I'm a dishonourable man
And Tokyo is far away
The English wear a poker face
The latest craze is called 'Croquet'
I am a stranger here

I am the Marquis Matsugae
And I came questioning through time
But is the grave the sole reply?

And Sherlock Holmes is my good friend
I have a trust fund I can spend
And I am ready to defend
My immorality to anyone
And Whistler painted me in grey
I had his mother round to stay
And she sat knitting in her chair
And staring through me disapprovingly

And Aubrey Beardsley sketches me
And Oscar Wilde comes round for tea
But I still feel so Japanese
When I'm alone on Piccadilly
And in Green Park there is a band
Medieval lillie in my hand
I watch the sailors on the bus
A little lustfully

I am the Marquis Matsugae
I came adventuring in time
But is the grave the sole reply?

Cellophane grandfather clock
I hear you tick while I talk
In my apartment on Pall Mall
To stable boys of easy provenance
Cellophane grandfather clock
The incense on my mantelpiece
Covers the reek of smelly socks
As I prepare them to be compromised

It's London 1888
It's 6 o'clock and I am late
For some disreputable date
With sordid appetites I hate
I hope these crimes will never stop
And like the hands upon the clock
My hands will touch and he'll respond
And go beyond

It's London 1888
I am the Marquis Matsugae
And I came questioning through time
And is the grave my sole reply?


Streetlamp Soliloquy
(Lyrics by Alison Spritzler-Rose)

It's everything you never wanted to know about strangers
Like when you see your friend lying in the street and say
'I thought you were somebody else'
And he replies 'I am'

Six dayglo vodka jellies on you realise
The party's really two doors down
And you turn to your hound
And Toto turns around
And barks 'This isn't Kansas any more'

It's when you stagger from your cab
And force your keys in someone else's door
It's 4AM, someone who looks like you is hollering
'Let me in!'
Six dayglo jellies on
Six dayglo vodka jellies on the brain

In your streetlamp soliloquay
You audition for the role of yourself
And pray you'll get the part
Don't call us

Everything you'll ever need to know about strangers
Everything you'll never need to know about
Everything you'll never need to know about
Seeing your face on someone else's face

Seven dayglo jellies on and you deduce
You'd better ease up on the juice
Seven dayglo garden gnomes
Are jumping on your bones
And you were barely introduced

In your streetlamp soliloquay
You audition for the role of yourself
And pray you'll get the part
Don't call us

Everything you'll ever need to know about strangers
You'll never need to know about
Everything you'll ever need to know about
Hearing your voice in someone else's voice


An Inflatable Doll

An inflatable doll two metres tall
Representing 'The Scream' by Edvard Munch
Stands in the midst of an empty room
Solemn and calm in the afternoon

Sometimes at night, when I'm feeling depressed
A little on edge or unbearably stressed
I let the air out of 'The Scream'
And am finally able to rest

These days my life is beautifully grim
Like a long grey coat by Comme Des Garcons
I love just to sit and to hold my chin
Dreaming of how I'll solve everything

I'll buy inflatable dolls, two metres tall
Michelangelo's David blown up and installed
And Julius Caesar and then
The Thinker by August Rodin

These days my life is beautifully grim
Like a long grey coat by Comme Des Garcons
I love just to sit and to hold my chin
Dreaming of how I'll solve everything

I'll get inflatable dolls, two metres tall
Michelangelo's David blown up and installed
And Julius Caesar and then
The Thinker by August Rodin

Saved

I used to be an addict, I had a drug habit
But now I'm saved
I used to sing for the devil, I was a homosexual
But I am saved
I was a transvestite, my one delight
Was sticking needles in my arm, staying up all night

I am saved

I was an evil motherfucker, I carried a blade
But I am saved
I used to live just to fight and to fornicate
But now I'm saved
I was hanging with the guys they call the Brothers of Islam
I was an honorary member of the Crutchfield gang

I am saved

They will try and socialise you with the word of the Lord
It signifies precisely zero till you get caught

Be dissolute like St Augustine
Don't be caught like I have been

Kids do not do what I have done
I am saved
Join a gang and carry a gun
Before you're saved
You can always change your ways before it's too late
Before you suffer a similar fate

I am saved

Someone

I've been walking round the town looking for someone just you
I've been sleeping on my own dreaming of someone just like you
I've been spinning in my sleep dreaming of someone just like you
I've been asking every creep if they know someone just like you

I know that girls like you exist
I'm an eternal optimist
I'm confused, I'm still true

Overground underground all the time looking for someone just like you
Round and round on the Circle Line looking for someone just like you
I've been spinning all night long looking for someone just like you
I've turned London upside down looking for someone just like you

Maybe I was chasing my shadow as it flickered by on the wall
Maybe I was chasing, chasing after nothing at all

I've been yearning every day for someone just like you
I even get down on my knees and pray sometimes
For someone just like you

I know that songs like this exist, I'm just an old postmodernist
It's been used, it's still true

Maybe I was chasing my shadow
As it flickered by on the wall
Maybe I've been chasing, chasing after nothing at all

I'm probably mad

Howard Hughes

Spending my days in old hotels
Where did the time go, where did my mind go?
Spending my days in old hotels
Like Howard Hughes without the money

Screaming aloud in bungalows
Sitting alone in the lotus position
Screaming aloud in bungalows
Like Howard Hughes without the money

Why don't we dance around like trolls
Joined at the wrist like paper dolls
Speak of me kindly when I'm gone
Evil intention lingers on
Use human beings as you'd be used
Grow your hair long like Howard Hughes

One part of me went missing
One part of me went fishing

Screaming aloud in bungalows
Sitting alone in the lotus position
Screaming aloud in bungalows
Like Howard Hughes without the money

Why don't we dance around like trolls
Joined at the arms like paper dolls
You do the twist and I will scream
Under the ocean like a dream
There is a monster by the creek
Screaming until the windows break
Let's form a band and make it huge
Grow your hair long like Howard Hughes

One part of me went missing
One part of me went fishing


Three Beasts

Three beasts are at the door for you
They offer the world and more for you
Three beasts are at the door

I let off the gun I trained on the sun but
The sun is still shining today
I ate all the food in the delicatessen
But never put on any weight
Here in this world where everything happens
None of it happens to me
I like to think I could outstare temptation
But I give no guarantee

Three devils, dare devils, horned devils
Summoned devils, come devils, bare devils
Be my... come by, be my lover

Here in this world where everything happens
None of it happens to me
You are so puzzling, you'll still be struggling
In 2023
I let off the gun I trained on the sun but
The sun is still shining today
I know you've been hoping I was just joking
I know you've been hoping, I know you've been hoping

Three devils, dare devils, horned devils
Summoned devils, come devils, bare devils
Be my... come by, be my lover

Three beasts are at the door for you
They offer the world and more for you
Three beasts are at the lift
Bearing a choice of gifts


Good Morning World

Putting on my best face
Running with a suitcase
I'll lead you on a goose chase
Pretty as a trumpet girl

Follow my eyes, follow my feelings
Follow my future wherever it's leading

Pretty as a trumpet
Pretty as a trumpet girl

Good morning world
It's so nice to be a beautiful girl
(It's so nice to be... beautiful)

Party like a wild thing
(ba ba ba ba ba ba)
In parties that go on and on

Shake it at a nightclub
(la la la la la la)
Disco till the crack of dawn

Follow your nose
Follow your feeling
Follow the weather wherever it's leading

Shake it like a trumpet
Rave up like a trumpet girl

Suffer in a basement
(Pa pa pa pa pa pa)
Pretty like a trumpet girl

Swing in Acapulco
(Cha cha cha cha cha cha)
Swinging in a changing world

Follow your eyes
Follow your feeling
Follow the fever wherever it's leading

Glitter like a trumpet
Glitter like a trumpet girl

I am the astronaut
I am the silver girl
I am so strange and sweet
I'm from another world
I'll pass you on the street
And then our eyes will meet

Liar liar pants on fire
Your mummy's in the kitchen with electric wire
Daddy's in the living room with his god
They all get together round a lightning rod
Two six five
The goose drank wine
The monkey chewed tobacco by the danger sign
The line it broke, the monkey choked
And they all went to heaven in a little row boat
Yum yum bubblegum
Stick it in your brother's gun
Half way down the telephone wire
Liar liar pants on fire
How I wrote elastic girl
How I wrote elastic girl
Put some makeup on your face
Make this world a better place

Good morning world...
It's so nice to be beautiful

Germania

There are blood hounds and burial mounds upon these metal maps
Iron curtains tumble down, iron walls collapse
A thousand acorns trampled upon make a thousand oaks
In Germania, in Germania

Tannenbaum in Tinseltown, the legend goes before
The queen puts on a snowy gown, Frederick's at the door
Assign no blame, place no strain on the frail neck of the swan
In Germania, in Germania

Rotten flowers, forgotten powers
Glory gathering
So childishly history is dancing in a ring
An old romance a toten tanz
Hear the sirens sing
In Germania, in Germania

The Girl With No Body

Rosemary walks across corridors
Across ballet school studio floors
Noon, the first day of the holidays
And the college is already closed
But she stands at the mirror
And dreams of the boy who has left her alone here to die
And the mirrors reflect to infinity
And she looks at herself with his eye

And the one boy that mattered rejected her
So she shattered the image the mirror threw back at her
Breasts too flat, legs too thin
Skin supernaturally pale
And now nobody sees her, the girl with no body
Dancing in the labyrinth alone

And she stands at the washbasin looking glass
Turns on the tap with a twist
And like Alice in Wonderland, quite unsurprised
Sees the razorbalde enter her wrist

And the one boy that mattered rejected her
So she shattered the image the mirror threw back at her
Breasts too flat, legs too thin
Skin supernaturally pale
And now nobody sees her, the girl with no body
Dying in the labyrinth alone


Radiant Night

I'm in love with Witold Gombrowicz
That sombre Polish man
I journey to the end of night with Louis F. Celine
But when I'm tired of reading novels by melancholy authors
I bounce on an enormous trampoline

'Pornographia', 'Ferdydurke', the Polish avant garde
I find Schšnberg's 'Verklarte Nacht' the loveliest thing I've heard
But when I've lost my taste for the highest and the best
I bounce, I bounce, I bounce with zest

I'm very fond of Karlheinz Stockhausen
'Musique Concrete' excites me
Luciano Berio inflames my very being
But when I've left behind my passion for serial composition
I bite at an enormous tangerine

Giacomo Leopardi, Stephane MallarmŽ
Diaghilev and Rilke, Lou Andreas Salome
But when I've lost my taste for the highest and the best
I bite, I bite, I bite with zest

I'm in love with Frederic Chopin and Isabelle Adjani
I play Charlotte Gainsbourg, Bambou and Jane Birkin at my party
But when the radiant night is over and the sun begins to shine
I kiss the simple lover who is mine

'Pornographia', 'Ferdydurke', the Polish avant garde
I find Schšnberg's 'Verklarte Nacht' the loveliest thing I've heard
But when I've lost my taste for the highest and the best
I kiss, I kiss, I kiss with zest

Giacomo Leopardi, Stephane MallarmŽ
Diaghilev and Rilke, Lou Andreas Salome
But when I've lost my taste for the highest and the best
I laugh, I live, I love with the best


Orgasm Addict
(Devoto / Shelley)

You tried it just for once
Found it all right for kicks
But now you've found out
It's a habit that sticks

You're an orgasm addict
Orgasm addict

Sneaking in the back door
With dirty magazines
Your mother wants to know
About the stains on your jeans

You're an orgasm addict
Orgasm addict

You get in heat
You get in a sulk
But you still keep beating
Your meat to a pulp

You're an orgasm addict
Orgasm addict

You're a kid Casanova
You're no Joseph
It's a labour of love
Fucking yourself to death

You're an orgasm addict
Orgasm addict

You're making out with schoolkids
Winos and heads of state
You've even made with the lady
Who puts the little plastic robins
On the Christmas cakes
Butcher's assistants and bell hops
You've had em all here and there
Children of god and the joy streams
International women with no body hair

Johnny want fucky
Everywhere and always
He's got the energy
He will amaze

He's an orgasm addict
He's always at it
He's an orgasm addict
He's got the habit

Orgasm addict


Nobody

One memory
Is one too much
There in the dark
Where strangers touch
There is no breathing
There are no beating hearts

The tongue of acid
That never spoke
The sleeping partner
Never awoke
I spent my seconds
But time was lost in her

And when we pass remember make no sign
Evidence that you were ever mine
We're poles apart for all the world to see
When I'm alone I find a crowded place
For crowds always remind me of your face
Stay nobody for no-one else but me

And through convulsions
We never kissed
There were no pulses
In these pink wrists
Intangible
Across an abstract bed
Beyond the limit
Of shape and self
Promise to visit
As someone else
My past is only
One memory I shed

And when we pass remember make no sign
Evidence that you were ever mine
We're poles apart for all the world to see
When I'm alone I find a crowded place
For crowds always remind me of your face
Stay nobody for no-one else but me

Please change so many times that I'll forget
I need to hope I haven't found you yet
Stay nobody for no-one else but me


Index